Categories for Family
How My Brother Leon Brought Home a Wife Essay
My brother Leon was returning to Nagrebcan from far away Manila, bringing home his young bride who had been born and had grown up in the big city. Father would not accept her for a daughter-in-law unless he taught her worthy to live in Nagrebcan. Father devised an ingenious way to find out, and waited for the result. She stepped down from the carretela of Ca Celin with a quick, delicate grace. She was lovely. She was tall. She looked up to my brother with a smile, and her forehead was on a level with his mouth “You are Baldo.
” She said and placed her hand lightly on my shoulder.
Her nails were long, but they were not painted. She was fragrant like a morning when papayas are in bloom. And a small dimple appeared momentarily high up on her cheek. “And this is Labang, of whom I have heard so much. ” She held the wrist of one hand with the other and looked at Labang, and Labang never stopped chewing his cud.
He swallowed and brought up to his mouth more cud, and the sound of his inside was like a drum. I laid a hand on Labang’s massive neck and said to her: “You may scratch his forehead now. “She hesitated and I saw that her eyes were on the long curving horns.
But she came and touched Labang’s forehead with her long fingers, and Labang never stopped chewing his cud except that his big eyes were half closed. And by and by, she was scratching his forehead very daintly. My brother Leon put down the two trunks on the grassy side of the road. He paid Ca Celin twice the usual fare from the station to the edge of Nagrebcan. Then he was standing beside us, and she turned to him eagerly. I watched Ca Celin, where he stood in front of his horse, and he ran his fingers through its forelock and could not keep his eyes away from her. Maria—“ my brother Leon said.
Read more: How My Brother Leon Brought Home a Wife by Manuel Arguilla Essay
He did not say Maring. He did not say Mayang. I knew then that he had always called her Maria; and in my mind I said, “Maria,” and it was a beautiful name. ”Yes,Noel” Now where did she get that name? I pondered the matter quietly to myself, thinking Father might not like it. But it was only the name of my brother Leon said backwards, and it sounded much better that way. “There is Nagrebcan, Maria” my brother said gesturing widely toward the west. She moved close to him. And after a while she said quietly: You love Nagrebcan, don’t you, Noel?
Ca Celin drove away hi-yi-ing to his horse loudly. At the bend of the camino real where the big duhat tree grew, he rattled the handle of his braided rattan whip against the spokes of the wheel. We stood alone on the roadside. The sun was in our eyes, for it was dipping into the bright sea. The sky was wide deep and very blue above us; but along the saw-tooth rim of the Katayaghan hills to the southwest flamed huge masses of clouds. Before us the fields swam in a golden haze through which floated big purple and red and yellow bubbles when I looked at the sinking sun.
Labang’s white coat, which I had washed and brushed that morning with coconut husk, glistened like beaten cotton under the lamplight and his horns appeared tipped with fire. He faced the sun and from his mouth came a call so loud and vibrant that the earth seemed to tremble underfoot. And far way in the middle of the fields a cow lowed soflty in answer. “Hitch him to the cart, Baldo,” my brother Leon said, laughing and she laughed with him a bit uncertainly, and I saw he had put his arms around her shoulders. “Why does he make that sound? ” she asked. “I have never heard the like of it. ”
“There is not another like it,” my brother Leon said. I have yet to hear another bull call like Labang. In all the world there is no other bull like him. ” She was smiling at him, and I stopped in the act of tying the vinca across Labang’s neck to the opposite end of the yoke, because her teeth was very white, her eyes were so full of laughter, and there was a small dimple high up on her right cheek. “If you continue to talk about him like that, either I shall fall in love with him or become very jealous. ” My brother Leon laughed and she laughed and they looked at each other and it seemed to me there was a world of laughter between them and in them.
I climbed into the cart over the wheel and Labang would have bolted for he was always like that, but I kept firm hold on his rope. He was restless and would not stand still. , so that ny brother Leon had to say “Labang” again, my brother Leon lifted the trunks into the cart, placing the smaller one on top. She looked down once on her high heeled shoes, then she gave her left hand to my brother Leon, placed a foot on the hub of the wheel, and in one breath she had swung into the cart.
Oh, the fragrance of her! But Labang was fairly dancing with impatience and it was all I could do to keep him from running away. Give us the rope, Baldo,” my brother Leon said. “ Maria , set on the hay and hold on to anything. ” Then he put a foot on the left shaft and that instant Labang leaped forward. My brother Leon laughed as he drew himself up to the top of the side of the cart and made the slack of the rope hiss above the back of Labang. The wind whistled against my cheeks and the rattling of the wheels on the pebbly road echoed in my ears. She sat up straight on the bottom of the cart, legs bent together to one side, her skirt spread over them so that only the toes and the heels of her shoes were visible.
Her eyes were on my brother Leon’s back; I saw the wind on her hair. When Labang slowed down, my brother Leon handed me the rope. I knelt on the straw inside the cart and pulled on the rope until Labang was merely shuffling along, then I made him turn around. “What is it you have forgotten now, Baldo? ” my brother Leon said. I did not say anything but tickled with my fingers the rump of Labang; and away we went back to where I had in hitched and waited for them. The sun had sunk and down from the wooded sides of the Katayaghan hills shadows were stealing into the fields.
When I sent Labang down the deep cut that would take us to the dry bed of the Waig, which could be used as a path to our place during the dry season, my brother Leon laid a hand on my shoulder and said sternly: “Who told you to drive through the fields tonight? “His hand was heavy on my shoulder, but I did not look at him or utter a word until we were on the rocky bottom of the Waig. “Baldo, you fool, answer me before I lay the rope of Labang on you. Why do you follow the Waig instead of the Camino real? ” His fingers bit into my shoulder.
“Father- he told me to follow the Waig tonight, Manong. Swiftly his hand fell away from my shoulder and he reached for the rope of Labang. Then my brother Leon laughed, and he sat back, and laughing still, he said: “And I suppose Father also told you to hitch Labang to the cart and meet us with him instead of the Castano and the calesa. ” Without waiting forn me to answer, he turned to her and said, “Maria, why do you think Father should do that, now? ” He laughed and added, “Have you ever seen so many stars before? ” I looked back and they were sitting side by side, leaning against the trunks, hands clasped across the knees.
Seemingly but a man’s height above the tops of the steep banks of the Waig, hung the stars. But in the deep gorge the shadows had fallen heavily, and even the white of Labang’s coat was chirped from their homes in the cracks in the banks. The thick, unpleasant smell of dangla bushes and cooling sun-heated earth mingled with the clean, sharp scent of arrais roots exposed to the night air and of the hay inside the cart. “Look, Noel, yonder is our star! ” Deep surprise and gladness were in her voice. Very low in the west, almost touching the ragged edge of the bank, was the star, the biggest and brightest in the sky.
I have been looking at it,” my brother Leon said. “Do you remember how I would tell you that when you want to see stars you must come to Nagrebcan? ”. “Yes, Noel,” she said. “Look at it she murmured, half to herself. “It is so many times bigger than it was at Ermita beach. ”The air here is clean and free of dust smoke. ” So it is Noel,” she said,drawing a long breath. “Making fun of me, Maria? “She laughed then, and they laughed together and she took my brother Leon’s hand and put it against her face. I stopped Labang, climbed down, and lighted the lantern that hung from the cart, and my heart sang.
Now the shadows took fright and did not crowd so near. Clumps of andadasi and arias flashed into view and quickly disappeared as we passed by. Ahead, the elongated shadow of Labang bobbled up and down and swayed drunkenly from side to side, for the lantern rocked jerkily with the cart. “Have we far to go yet, Noel? ” she asked. “Ask Baldo,” my brother Leon said,”we have been neglecting him. ”
“I am asking you, Baldo,”she said. Without looking back, I answered, picking my words slowly: “Soon we will get out of the Waig and pass into the fields. After the fields is home – Manang. “So near already. ” I did not say anything more, because I did not know what to make of the tone of her voice as she said her last words. All the laughter seemed to have gone out of her. I waited for my brother Leon to say something, but he was not saying anything. Suddenly he broke out into song and the song was “Sky Sown with Stars” –the same that he and father sang when he cut hay in the fields of nights before he went away to study. He must have taught her the song because she joined him, and her voice flowed into him like a gentle stream meeting a stronger one.
And each time the wheel encountered a big rock, a voice would catch in her throat, but my brother Leon would sing on, until, laughing softly, she would join him again. Then we were climbing out into the fields, and through the spokes of the wheels the light of the lantern mocked the shadows. Labang quickened his steps. The jolting became more frequent and painful as we crossed the low dikes. “But it is so very wide here,” she said. The light of the stars broke and scattered the darkness so that one could see far on every side, though indistinctly. You miss the houses, and the cars, and the people and the noise, don’t you? ” My brother Leon stopped singing. “Yes, but in a different way. I am glad they are not here. ”
With difficulty, I turned Labang to the left, for he wanted to go straight on. He was breathing hard, but I knew he was more thirsty than tired. In a little while , we drove up the grassy side onto the camino real. “-you see,” my brother Leon was explaining, “the camino real curves around the foot of the Katayaghan hills and passes by our house. We drove through the fields, because- but I’ll be asking father as soon as we get home” “Noel,” she said. Yes, Maria. ” “I am afraid. He may not like me. ” “Does that worry you still, Maria? ” my brother said. “From the way you talk, he might be an ogre, for all the world. Except when his leg that was wounded in the revolution is troubling him, Father is the mildest tempered, gentlest man I know. ” We came to the house of Lacay Julian and I spoke to Labang loudly, but Moning did not come to the window, so I surmised she must be eating with the rest of her family. And I thought of the food being made ready at home and my mouth watered.
We met the twins, Urong and Celin, and I said “ Hoy,” calling them by name. And they shouted back and asked if my brother Leon and his wife were with me. And my brother Leon shouted to them and then told me to make Labang run; their answers were lost in the noise of the wheels. I stopped Labang on the road before our house and would have gotten down, but my brother Leon took the rope and told me to stay in the cart. He turned Labang into the open gate and we dashed into our yard. I thought we would crash into the bole of the camachile tree, but my brother Leon reined in Labang in time.
There was light downstairs in the kitchen, and Mother stood in the doorway, and I could see her smiling shyly. My brother Leon was helping Maria over the wheel. The first words that fell from his lips after he had kissed Mother’s hand were: “Father – where is he? ” “He is in his room upstairs,” Mother said, her face becoming serious. “His leg is bothering him again. ” I did not hear anything more because I had to go back to the cart to unhitch Labang. But I had hardly tied him under the barn when I heard Father calling me. I met my brother Leon going to bring up the trunks.
As I passed through the kitchen, there were Mother and my sister Aurelia and Maria, and it seemed to me they were crying, all of them. There was no light in Father’s room. There was no movement. He sat in the big armchair by the eastern window, and a star shone directly though it. He was smoking, but he removed the roll of tobacco from his mouth when he saw me. He laid it carefully on the windowsill before speaking. “Did you meet anybody on the way? ” “No, Father,” I said. “Nobody passes through the Waig at night. ” He reached for his roll of tobacco and hitched himself up in the chair.
“She is very beautiful, Father. “Was she afraid of Labang? ” My father had not raised his voice, but the room seemed to resound with it. And again I saw her eyes on the long curving horns and the arm off my brother Leon around her shoulders. “No, Father, she was not afraid. ” “On the way-““She looked at the stars, Father And Manong Leon sang. ” “What did he sing? ” “Sky Sown with Stars. ” She sang with him. He was silent again. I could hear the low voices of Mother and my sister Aurelia downstairs. There was also the voice of my brother Leon, and I thought that Father’s voice must have been like it when he was young.
He had laid the roll of tobacco on the windowsill once more. I watched the smoke waver faintly upward from the lighted end and vanish slowly into the night outside. The door opened and my brother Leon and Maria came in. “Have you watered Labang? ” Father spoke to me. I told him that Labang was resting yet under the barn. “It is time you watered him, my son. ” My father said. I looked at Maria and she was lovely. She was tall. Beside my brother Leon, she was tall and very still. Then I went out, and in the darkened hall the fragrance of her was like a morning when papayas are in bloom.
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How Becoming an Adult Has Changed Christmas Essay
I love the holidays, they bring a special joy to my life, they make me smile even if things may not be going as planned in my life; just the thought of family and friends spending time together is a great big deal in my family. I now get to experience the feeling and joys my parents did when they see me opening my presents. My children are so precious and I love having every memorial moment with them. We still do the same things at Grandmas every year nothing has changed except for the fact that I’m a Mother now.
I can distinctively remember the Christmas of 2006; it was the year my son (Jaylen) was born. It’s the year I realized that my spoiled days were over and it was not only about me any more. It was the first time I actually realized that I’m Mommy now! It was a very fearful and joyful moment at the same time; my family didn’t pay as much attention to me anymore.
They were occupied with my new baby boy (Jaylen), I was extremely happy, they had taken to my son because 18 months earlier they were a little upset that I was going to have a baby(they thought I was too young).
My dad was the happiest I have seen him in years, he was a proud grand pap. I’ll admit I was a little jealous because all the attention was no longer on just me I had to now share it. Then again I sat back and thought I’m an adult now and I should not be treated like a baby anymore, so from that point forward I found the grown up I had hidden inside. Thirty-three months (two and a half years) later there was an addition to my family for the holiday, I had my daughter JaKailah, she was a great gift after losing our Nana Boat in June of 2009.
My daughter was born just 13 days later (June 21 2009); my grandmother and I both feel as though she is a part of Nana Boat in many ways. Not having our Nana Boat with us on Christmas anymore is a huge void; she is their saying “just give the children what ever they want, they are our special gifts from god”. One thing that has stayed the same is all holidays are special in my family, but Christmas is still the most important. All my family still meet at Grandma’s house every year. We have family from every where that comes in from out of state to celebrate this special occasion.
Every year our Christmas routine has stayed the same; grandma has a special way of making every holiday memorable, she was also very particular about time, there was a time for everything we did on Christmas. She has a set schedule between 9:00 am and 10:00 am. Everyone shows up at grandmas to put their presents under the tree. Grandma has breakfast made for everyone every Christmas pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs and toast. Then at 11:30am it is time to give each other the presents we have for one another.
By the time we were all done opening presents it is time for us to have dinner at 2:30. WOW! We could smell that great food cooking the whole time we were opening our presents. As a child I can remember many traditions sheared with my family. Because there were so many people staying at Grandma’s for the holidays. I can remember making pallets (beds) on the floor with my cousins so the adults could have the beds and air mattresses. My cousins and I would stay up really late and sleep until the after noon. After waking up I can remember my Uncle Bobbie; he looked just like Mr.
Rodgers (from Mr. Rodger Neighborhood) he has the same blue sweater and those same blue tie up shoes. I would wake up and say good morning, Mr. Rodgers it is going to be a wonderful day in the neighbor hood. I was a very spoiled child; I got what ever I wanted, when I wanted it from every one in my family. I have even started my own traditions with my children, we have one day where we all sit down at the dining room table after Thanksgiving and we tell each other what we would like to have Santa Clause bring us for Christmas.
I have even found a count down to Christmas calendar filled with chocolate candies, it starts at twenty-five and end at one; what you do with this calendar is you start at twenty-five and every night eat one piece of chocolate and by the time its Christmas eve there is one less piece of chocolate remaining. Basically it is a count down to Christmas by eating a piece of chocolate each night until Christmas. My children are still very young so we are still in the process of coming up with new traditions.
Things in life change so fast with out notice, some good and some bad, I just make the best of what I have. I always thought that I would need to be the center of attention, but this Christmas I learned that it’s not always about me. Each and every member of my family was very important in many ways. Each of us have our own roles and it works for my family. My fiance is a very quiet, laid back, stay out the way type of person. My Aunt is crazy for the kids, she literally buys them everything. My uncle is the strict no nonsense kind of guy who like the kids to stand in the corner.
Uncle what can I say about him? Oh wow he’s the grouch, always yelling, the Children are too loud make them sit down. My dad always happy and feeding into what ever the kids say, do this and do that. Pappi mostly hiding in the room away from everyone to stay away from the chaos. My mom she is the clean freak always running around after every one cleaning up behind them. My Nana Boat she was all for the kids give, give, give that all she knew when it came to her baby’s. My brothers and sister they are needy, always wanting something that they really do not need.
Being the big sister I have to love them(I do very much so. I’m only going to talk about my immediate family, because if not you will be here reading for months. As for my-self I’m kind of a reserved person; I just sit back and watch what’s going on around me. I can remember the time it took my grandma to prepare for Christmas; she would bake for weeks. She would let me help her make cookies, pies, fudge, and my most favorite of all chocolate covered pretzels with sprinkles. I can still smell those cookies and pies bake.
Being with my grandma and helping her bake was the best feeling in the world. Still to this day my grandma still lets me help her bake for Christmas. She doesn’t leave out my children, they are right there with their hands in the dough, just getting as messy as possible. I know every edition to or family makes Christmas every year more and more enjoyable. I believe that each and every Christmas changes each and every person in my family for the better. CODA: There are a few reasons why I chose to use Frank McCourt “Limerick Homecoming” essay from the book Angela’s Ashes published in 1996.
One reason I chose to use this essays style to revise my family essay is because Frank McCourt showed how to go from past to present tense in the same essay to tell about a special event in this life. Another reason I believe that this essay showed that no matter how bad things are at one point or another in your life that having your family around can make things all the better. Lastly, I chose this essay to because I related to the characters, meaning that I related to them so not coming from a rich family, not graduating high school and still striving to make it in this world .
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Letter to Friend Congratulating on Sucess Essay
It gives me great pleasure that you have topped the list of successful candidates in the Board Examination. It is all the more delightful to learn that you have secured distinction in all the subjects and in Mathematics you have secured 99% marks. Your grand success is a matter of pride for your family, friends, teachers and our school as well. It is, in fact, the result of your hard work and dedication, sacrifice and concentration. You have been very consistent all along your studies.
You never ignored your studies. It has paid well now. Indeed, it is a moment of celebration particularly for your parents who have been very careful for all your needs and comforts. This success has opened up the door to various opportunities for your career. You can get admission in any of the good colleges in India. A bright future awaits you. Your bright success has secured your career. Again my heartiest congratulations on the happy occasion I am confident you will maintain this performance in future.
Keep upthespiritand be careful to your health and performance. We will met soon to have a treat. With lots of good wishes for a bright future. Yours sincerely, Rishika My Dear Pramod, I am glad to see your result in today’s Rakasthan Patrika. Your outstanding performance in the RAS examination has secured you a good rank. I conveyed this happy news to my father who was sitting beside me. He too was overjoyed. I thank god for his kindness and wish you a bright future.
You have been intelligent and diligent in your school and college days. Certainly, your success is due to god’s grace as well as your hard work and timely guidance of your respected parents. Keep it up! You will be of great asset to your family and more over to this nation. Please guide your sister also to overcome her IAS examinations which are due in November. Please convey my respectful compliments to your parents. Again, congratulations to you! Yours sincerely, Raj Kumar
A family ritual to strengthen family bonds Essay
As I was answering the Family rituals questionnaire, I felt good as i was somewhat compelled to reminisce the activities which I shared with my family when I was a child. It feels good to see that our family got a high score in the questionnaire. In only proves that we have been quite close as a family. I was only mesmerized as I recalled those moments when we simultaneously scan our old pictures and laugh at the way all of us looked in the past.
I also enjoyed recalling the fond memories of our excursions when I was still a child.
Personally, I do not want to change that kind of relationship which I had with my family in the past. I would like us to maintain this close relationship we have right now. For me, this is how families are supposed to be. Families are supposed to spend most of the time together so they can be updated with the events happening to one another.
In this sense, they will always be available to succor when one among the family members is having some dilemma. In addition to that, the intimacy between them will not be lost; and instead, will only be kindled.
That feeling of intimacy will make them more comfortable and more expressive with one another. The ritual that I would like to apply to my family is a unique Islamic tradition called Eid al-Fitr. Eid al-Fitr is being done some time after Ramadan. It is basically a tradition celebrating the success of the recently done Ramadan which is a whole month of blessings and joy. Moreover, Eid al-Fitr is also the extension of these blessings and joy to those who happen to be less fortunate. Every Muslim family must offer some donation of any kind to those who are in need. They do this so the needy can participate in the celebration as well.
This is done before the end of the Eid so all the people can be prepared for the jubilation. When the day of the Eid comes, all of the participants will gather outdoors – in mosques – to perform a prayer that is especially for the Eid. Afterwards, the participants will begin to disperse and mingle with one another. They will meet up with their families, friends and other acquaintances to give presents and express their cordial greetings. If they have relatives who are not present and cannot go to the event, they can call them on the hoping and likewise extend their wishes.
This event usually lasts for three days to allow the Muslims make the most out of the celebration. The meaning of this ritual is that it can manifest the unity and comradeship among its participants. By extending their warm wishes to other people and giving donations to those who are in need, the participants learn to take care aside from their selves and value other people as well. The act of giving donations can be symbolically interpreted as an act of offering something that sincerely comes from the self. The act is like transcending the self and its own interests in order to extend one’s hands to other people.
By applying this ritual with my family, I aim that my family will have a sense of responsibility and learn how to work as a group. Moreover, I can also reinforce family planning. My family will learn that they also have responsibility over other people –their fellowmen – and that all of us must unite for a singular cause. By promoting the behavior of giving donations to the poor and mingling with the family members, the unity of a singular cause is reinforced. As we harbor in mind the need to achieve a singular purpose, we will learn how to work as a group.
In the latter process, we will develop a more cohesive bond among ourselves. The part of mingling with other people can only encourage us to commune more deeply with one another and be aware of one another’s experiences. As the ritual will be repetitious, all of its objectives will be recurrently addressed. In addition to that, by mingling with the family members in the course of the ritual, we will realize the importance of family planning. In our family, there are more than ten of us who are siblings and it will surely be harder for us to greet one another while doing the ritual.
Lastly, I think that the ritual need not to change as the members of the family grow older. We must only adapt with one another and our family embers – and our oscillating temperaments, tastes and yearnings. The touchstone of the ritual is that we feel the warm company of our family members as we do and enjoy doing things together. In that sense, my two goals can be achieved. We learn that we are responsible for the welfare of our family members and we learn to work collectively in making all of us grow individually as persons and the family as a whole.
Alcohol and Family Violence Essay
Alcohol and family Violence has been an issues with families for many years, these are two demons that some just can’t break, families have been experiencing the traumatic of one’s physical uncontrollable actions. Alcohol has become one’s stress reliever in all views that it began to take over one’s way of thinking and reaction, this is ways individuals express their evil thoughts and the sad thing it that the abuse of alcohol has a domino effect on their children’s as they become adults and parents later in life.
If community members understand violence differently, their responses may be inconsistent and even harmful to victims. (Advocate. Minnesota, (2003)). Almost 6,500 children across the world have been a victim of family violence which leads up to being in a single parent home, One in three children globally (30%) said as leader of their country; they would tackle violence by improving law and order.
For children in developing countries, improving education (17%) was the next priority (compared with just 6% of children in developed countries).
(2003). Child Fund.) Finally, a 1991 study in the United States found that the average amount of alcohol consumed prior to the use of violence was only a few drinks, which “suggests that the act of drinking may be more related to woman abuse than the effect of alcohol.” Two other studies indicate that drug use is more strongly correlated to domestic violence than is alcohol. (2003). Child Fund.) Improving their self-esteem, they abuse the victim physically, emotionally, and sometimes, sexually. Another key factor in wife abuse is alcohol. When the man is stressed, he turns to alcohol to relieve it. Little does he know that the alcohol makes him more irritable? “He started really drinking excessively and that is when the abuse started. He had been drinking I sat down to read the paper and he wanted his supper . . . he kicked the cat to the ceiling, he started slapping my face with both hands,” (Berger, 1990, pg. 42).
So, if you’re in an abusive relationship what is the best way to get out and stop of the battering abuse? After notorious acts of abuse, usually, the woman will finally realize that the situation will never get better. Basically there are three basic reasons why women leave a violent relationship: Educated themselves about the necessary available help, being faced with the impact on their children (mentally, physical, sexually and courage to know when enough is enough) and women having a tolerance level of abuse. (Berger, 1990, pg. 48). Family Violence is Willfully or knowingly placing, or attempting to place, a family member in fear of hurt, causing hurt, wrongful confinement or restraint against the family member’s will or continual harassment which causes anguish.. A family member can be your spouse or ex-spouse, child (including adopted and step child), sibling, parent or in-law. Now there are many factors that contribute to family violence, the most commonly seen are the characteristics of the abused and the abuser.
There is no one specific country or culture that is more abusive than another, abuse is spread across countries, cultures, socio-economic statuses, races, religion and ethnic groups (Goldman, Salus, Wolcott & Kennedy, 2009). For example, one may be very educated and well-kept but if unable to control behavior caused by emotions, he may be abusive. While if one may be poor and lowly educated, if he is well controlled in his behaviors and emotions, he will then not be abusive. More often, in cases of child abuse, the abuser usually a parent, father or mother, could be one who may be in situations of stress or someone who simply cannot control their emotions, anger. In a paper written by Professor Harry J. Gaynor (1998), in 1,356 cases of child abuse reported by National Burn Victim Foundation, there were 176 spontaneous cases, of which 97% of them are parents that are known to have aggressive response behavior.
There are two kinds of aggressive response, active and passive. Active aggressive behaviors do not have concern over the impact that anger will have to the abused, this translates to actions of hurting the abused verbally, could be hurling hurtful words, humiliating, and physically, hitting the abused. While the passive aggressive response behaviors are those that have cooped up, suppressing negative emotions of a length of time and a blow up or breakdown can be expected, this translates to behavior of neglect and not paying attention to the abused (Gaynor, 1998). Children are victims of adult’s uncontrollable behavior of anger. As much as we blame abusers, and we should look at their background and past, that when they were children were tormented as well. Baltimore County, Maryland Police Department (2012), shared some facts about child abusing inmates, that 84% of them were abused as children, families with more than four children have higher rates of abused and neglect, more than 80% of the abusers are parent or someone the child is close to and parents on drugs is physically abused regularly.
There are parental histories and the cycle of abuse that we have to factor into the characteristics of the abuser. Many of these individuals who are maltreating their own children were victims of abuse and neglect themselves. (Goldman et al., 2003). There is no major difference in percentage of perpetrators being female or male. An apparent close percentage of 50% and 58% of mothers and fathers are found to abuse their own children. However, while single mothers are accused of child neglect, many fathers who abandon the child are almost never considered in the neglect (Newton, 2001). Abuse often happen in environment or family situation where it is overcrowded, usually happens with families with more than four children. If the living conditions are cramped and isolated and parents do not hold proper stable jobs, the chances of abuse in those families, whether parent-child or sibling abuse may occur (Baltimore County, Maryland Police Department, 2012).
From the Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders (n.d.), some causes of abuse at times are simply due to parent’s ignorance of developmental stages. This ignorance can lead to frustration and eventually aggressive behaviors. They are under stress because their child has issues with toilet training or not meeting their expectations. Understanding developmental stages can help parents to understand their child’s learning curve better and they will learn to cope with their expectation. Another cause is mental disorders, parent with depression, personality disorders or anxiety disorder etc., can affect their ability to care for their children. The abused, children as the focus, can contribute toward family violence toward themselves and they may never know it. Disabled children, children with mental disorders, children with development disorders, hyperactive children are all at a higher risk compared to a healthy child in receiving abuse.
These children have needs that are special, if they do not attain required needs, manner of communication from them can be highly distressing. According to Sullivan (1996) from the Boys Town National Research Hospital, children with disabilities are found to be at greater risk of abuse and neglect compared to children without disabilities (Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, 2001). Children with disabilities of any form may be unable to retort, have no understanding that they are abused or cannot communicate the happenings of the abuse may have issues because adults know that they can get away with it because their abuses will not be reported. Knowing one can get away with it makes it easier to push through the abuse compared to risking the child complaining to others about the abuse. Children although still the ultimate victims whether or not they are the cause of the abuse and abused children and the abuser may have much effect in the society.
There are long term effects surrounding family violence and any forms of family violence have effects to both the abused and the abuser. Some of the effects are physical and neurobiological, cognitive and emotional and social and educational. First, physical and neurological damages are the visible effects on a child, direct trauma from physical abuse can cause ruptured organs and even possible brain deformity or retardation. Neglect will cause the child to be underfed and/or nutritional deficit, the child will have slow growth rate and development of the physical and brain would be unhealthy. This makes deficient in mental growth as well. Repeated trauma produces changes in the neurochemistry of the brain that affects memory formation. This causes the person to will time to time continually getting flashbacks of fragmented memories of emotions throughout their life. Cognitive and emotional damages are relative unseen. Some children resort into extreme methods to deal with the traumatic experiences.
Some lash out at people around them and themselves. Some become depressed and do things that make them feel better, example by taking drugs and alcohol, some even go to the extent of attempting suicide. Bonding and attachments with their parents or people in general may cease and understanding of the abusing behavior might become permanent if assistance does not come. Children that have been abused also show no concern when someone else is under distress, they may even result to behave in ways like hitting the other child the same way their abuser did to them (Sigelman & Rider, (2012). A social and educational effect becomes obvious when the child become less sociable or not sociable at all, isolating himself. The child may also become distrustful toward people in general making them unable to properly have a normal relationship.
Due to this, the child will grow up having issues with self-esteem, have low level of confidence. Behaviorally, some children may grow up to become abusive or they become isolated (Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders, n.d.). Some of the children who do not seek and have support to recovery may consider what they have been through has normal and appropriate. This is how the cycle of abuse goes on. Abused children are often emotionally and physically in pain at school; hence they are unable to concentrate at what they have to do, leading to them falling behind their grades.
They find it hard to make friends and hence either become a bully or get bullied at school as well. Because of this, teachers at school might see them as a problematic child if they are not aware of the happenings that are going on at home. With society (school) labeling them as problematic and being abused at home by parents they are likely to feel rejected by everyone. Intervention as a Human Services Professional I would suggest that all family members seek counseling to express all issues and get to the root cause of the problem. When children are involved seeing a therapist with the family and without the parents would be one of my intervention to help their family, I would also have the parents go to parenting classes.
Advocate. Minnesota, (2003).Alcohol and Domestic Violence. www.umn.edu/hutments/svaw/ domestic/link/alcohol.htm Attorney-General’s Chambers (31 October 2009). Interpretation of this Part. In Women’s Charter (Chapter 353, Section 64). Retrieved from http://statutes.agc.gov.sg
Baltimore County, Maryland. (2 January 2013). Facts About Child Abuse. Retrieved from http://www.baltimorecountymd.gov/Agencies/police/community/abuse.html (2003). Child Fund. www.childfund.org.av/publication/new-childfund-survey-fines-assive-kids-blame-alcohol-number-one-cause-violence Gaynor, H. J. (1998). The Root of Child Abuse: Anger. Retrieved from http://www.aaets.org/article63.htm
Goldman, J., Salus, M. K., Wolcott, D., Kennedy, K. Y. (2003). A Coordinated Response to Child Abuse and Neglect: The Foundation for Practice. Retrieved from https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/foundation/foundatione.cfm
Identity and Belonging Essay
My family and I left the Kabul for Pakistan in 1995. Our dream was a better life a life which we could sleep a night with peace a life which we could walk with no fair. Me and my father we were working as labour for a small company, it was 50/km far from our home and we were going there by my dad`s bicycle.
The work was hard everything was hard there, but when I was coming home and looking that my brothers and sisters are having book to read and they are going to school, we have something to eat and no one is here try to kill us I was felling like i have everything.
With our straggle and hard working in 1999 my dad buy a house we moved there our life was becoming more comfortable we were happy. But we didn’t know that now something really bad is running after us.
A really nasty day my dad was sick at home I was coming from work it was 7pm, I saw a car blocked my way four guy was standing beside the care they abused me with a really bad language and said come to car, i run to fight with them two of them took out the gun and shot near to my feat , one of them came near to me and hit me with the gun I fall down, when I weak up, it was a dark house my head was full of blood.
I remember, the days which my dad was taken to Taliban’s prising because he was translator of American embassy.
My dad was too keen that get him out of that, for me it was impossible. After six years, here is now three more guys with me, they are using us as cleaner dish washer cocks any kind of work. Every day we were planning to escape from there but we couldn’t. In 2009 we scaped from there but just three of us get succeed. I came back to Pakistan to find my family but no one was there they escaped from Pakistan too. I didn’t know where to go i went to my dad`s friend place, he told me my dad went to Iran and after 5 years he went to Australia, so my dad and all the family was in Australia.
I was really happy by hearing that because they were save now. I get the number and call him, he told me he will sponsor me and i will be there in just one year but it was too hard to stay one day because the Taliban’s were still after me. So i chooses illegal way to came to us, went to Indonesia we were 80 people in boat a small boat, he told me he will sponsor me and i will be there in just one year but it was too hard to stay one day because the Taliban’s were still after me.
Common Traits of the Filipinos Essay
Common Traits It is difficult to define and ascertain the very core of what it is to be a Filipino. History tells us that the Filipinos as we know now had an untraceable origin. All that we can do now is to determine the common traits that are common to all of the Filipinos. Common traits among Filipinos can be traced throughout its existence, from the pre-colonial era up to the present era that we have now. There is something that is particularly common and at the same time unique from among all of us as oppose to different races from Asia.
And from this point of view we can depart and establish in some commonalities what it is to be a Filipino which is unique in particular throughout Asia and in general throughout the world. A. Hospitality One of the common traits of a Filipino is the word Hospitality. Hospitality comes from the Latin word, “Hospes”meaning “Host”, “guest”, or “stranger”.
Hospes is formed from hostis, which means “stranger” or “enemy” which is synonymous to hostility. In a nutshell, Hospitality means welcoming the guest, stranger, or even the enemy into your own house.
According to Derrida there two(2) types of hospitality, the first one is Conditional Hospitality, and the second one is the Absolute Hospitality. In the vernacular language, Conditional Hospitality means, you welcome the stranger, guest, or even the hostile within the bounds of condition e. g like they should only sleep in the master bedroom and only sleep in the couch or sala, they cannot go into the bedroom or they should not touch anything. In other words, they are bound to certain restrictions.
On the other hand, in contrast to Conditional Hospitality, Absolute hospitality is a form of welcoming the other with open arms up to the point of embracing the other unconditionally. Absolute hospitality knows no boundaries, in fact, welcoming the other might be dangerous because this other’s personality is unascertainable, maybe he is a convict or any other psychopath but absolute hospitality will welcome any other stranger that will knock into your own homes even if such stranger would kill you.
And this Absolute hospitality is the kind of hospitality that is present and predominant among Filipinos, this is a kind of hospitality that is selfless at its purest up to the point of even sacrificing his own family just for the sake of the visitor or guest. And this was clearly depicted by the historian Teodoro A. Agoncillo when he wrote that: “Perhaps you happen to drop in at an unholy hour of the day or night. Sensing that you are hungry, he prepares the best food for you, ignoring the fact that there would not be enough for the next supper for his family.
Meanwhile, he gives you something with which you could eat whiles away your time. You hear him or his wife puttering about the kitchen desperately hurrying up the preparation of the food in order not to keep you waiting. There is always a sense of urgency in his movements, for he does not want to inconvenience you. He makes you feel that he is honored by your invasion of his privacy at an unholy hour of the night. ” This Absolute hospitality is the one that is being misunderstood by foreigners, especially by the Spanish colonizers, who thought that such trait is an embodiment of inferiority and obsequiousness.
And only that such trait is also prone to abuses made up by the Foreign colonizers which proceeded to tell their hearers that they fell victims to the wiles of the Filipino women. B. Close Family ties The family is one of the oldest and most important social institutions on earth in it is the basic institution of the government, all starts from and within the family it is the primordial institution of our society. With this, it is noteworthy to mention Anthropologist Margaret Mead,she based her research and affirmed the centrality of the nuclear family in human society.
She said: “As far back as our knowledge takes us, human beings have lived in families. We know of no period when this was not so. We know of no people who have succeeded for long in dissolving the family or displacing it… Again and again, in spite of proposals for change and actual experiments, human societies have reaffirmed their dependence on the family as the basic unit of human living—the family of father, mother and children. ’’
In consonance with such research, one of the traits among Filipinos is its close family ties because even up to time immemorial Filipinos are still dependent and interdependent with their families, that even some are already at the age of 40 and having produced so many kids, his existence is still closely related to his Parents. Parents up to the end of the adolescent period of their sons or daughters still have the capacity to support and even provided sustenance to their own sons or daughters. Unlike in foreign countries, particularly in the U.
S wherein the their sons or daughters have achieved the age of 18, they are already free to go out of the boundaries of their home and eventually establish a life outside the reach of their family, they can already rent their own apartment and have a job. Which is particularly remote to the traits of a Filipino, if such person was allowed by their parents to live in own life and establish his own stance then eventually such Family would be treated or lookup upon with unbecoming eyes, like such parents is not a worthy parent to father their own child. In Filipino Family, it ordinarily consist of the grandparents, the parents and the children.
The Father is the head of the family, but while he rules, the mother governs. For it is the mother that reigns in the home, she is the educator, the financial officer, the accountant, the censor, the laundry woman, and the cook. But above the ruler and the governor are the grandparents, who opinions and decisions on all important matters are sought. Will a newborn child be baptized? The grandparents are consulted and what they say carries much weight. It is the grandparents that have the last word from every decision that the family would make, would they consult a doctor in case the child or sick?
The answer depends on the grandparents since they would prefer a herbolario (herb doctor) It is in their experience that will go against any written knowledge that their sons and daughters have achieved, it is with experience that they will use to override you knowledge. And besides such characteristics, one of the predominant characters of the Family is its hierarchical status, since the Philippines is a predominantly catholic country, the impact of such religions echoes even up to the deepest depth of the Family which is embodied in its patriarchal stance.
Every decision if you would not be consulted with the grandparent should be consulted with the Father, and nothing more nothing else. The mother may have to say many things, but if the head of the family started to talk then it is the end of the line for is words, would be the law and only the prevailing law of every family. C. Respect for the elders In addition to the power of the grandparents, every grandparents should be treated with respect in all kinds of behavior towards them. In casual conversation, the should be an additional words of respect like “po” and “opo.
” It is unthinkable for a Filipino do utter words of ingratitude to their elderly. If in other country, they just call their elderly in their own names as oppose to the Filipinos which they approach their elderly in a courteous manner characterized by words of gratitude and respect. And the respect for the elderly includes respect for the elder sister and brother. It is the responsibility of the elder brother to perform the duties of the father and mother to the younger members of the family. One finds that among Filipino family the elder brother or sister sacrifice his career for the sake of the young ones who must have an education.
Even after his marriage, the elder brother sets aside a small part of his salary for his younger brother and sisters. The latter, in turn, are expected to look up to their elder brother with awe and respect. Kissing the hands of the parents and old relatives or neighbors as a sign of respect is extended to the elder brother or sister. Among “old” and “respectable families,” even cousins kiss the hands of their elder cousins as a sign of respect. D. Fatalistic Filipinos are intrinsically fatalistic. Fatalism is defined as a doctrine that events are fixed in advance so that human beings are powerless to change them.
In other words, everything is determined, it is a doctrine that amplifies the subjugation of all events or actions to fate. Philosophically, fatalism generally refer to these ideas, that humans are powerless to do anything other than we can actually do, e. g the power to influence the future which is very similar to pre-determinsm. An attitude of resignation in the face of some future event or events which are thought to be inevitable, that actions are free, but nevertheless work toward an inevitable end, and lastly that acceptance is appropriate, rather than against inevitability.
These fatalism is best symbolized in the phrase “Bahalana,” a phrase that defies translation but which may be rendered loosely as “come what may. ” Can you go through that wall of fire? Bahalana. Are you sure you can convince him to give up his plan of leaving home? Bahalana. There are dangers ahead, Bahalana. Such fatalism has bred in the Filipino a sense of resignation. It is tis that he faces disaster or tragedy with resignation. HE appears indifferent in the face of graft and corruption. He appears impassive in the face of personal misfortune. Yet this “Bahalana” attitude prevents him from being a crackpot.
E. Loyalty As Joyce Mayanrd puts it, “A person who deserves my loyalty receives it. ” Loyalty is defined as a faithfulness or devotion to a person, country, group or cause. For Josiah Joyce loyalty is the willing and practical and thoroughgoing devotion of a person to a cause. The cause has to be an objective one. It cannot be one’s personal self. It is something external to oneself that one looks outward to the world to find, and that cannot be found within. It concerns not one’s own person, but other people. The devotion is active, a surrendering of one’s self-will to the cause, that one loves.
Moreover, according to Royce, loyalty is social. Loyalty to a cause unites the many fellow-servants of that cause, binding them together in their service. That is why loyalty to a friend or benefactor is one trait that is very strong with every Filipino. Do him a little favor and he remembers you to the ends of his days. And such trait is best described and characterized as “utangnaloob. ” For the Filipino, friendship is sacred and implies mutual help under any circumstances. A friend is expected to come to the aid not only of personal friend but also to the friend’s family.
That is why when the Americans gave their help to oust the Japanese imperial army here in the Philippines, such help was inculcated to every minds of the Filipino people and throughout the history books, the such a friend help you in such detrimental situation. For the Filipino, it is hardly conceivable that the United States should turn out to be an ingrate, knowing that they stood by her in the darkest hour. Such attitude is beyond the comprehension of the Americans, for the latter understands of friendship is different from that of the Filipino.
The American is ruthlessly businesslike and will not allow sentimentalism to stand in the way of fulfilling his destiny or objective. This “ruthlessness” the Filipino does not understand. Thus, it can be considered as a misplaced loyalty, which is an unreciprocated loyalty, because the Americans would only be loyal only to such an end that it will satisfy their desires and needs, and as long as they are being benefited with such they would not care if such things would be treated as sentimental as the Filipino’s see as it is. F. Tendency to be indolent For Luc de Clapiers “Indolence is the sleep of the mind.
” It is a state where the body and mind of a person is idle. Nothing innovative to do nor to say. This trait is common to every Filipino, as Rizal explained, the Filipinos has this tendency to be indolent as the result of the tropical climate which makes even the Westerner indolent in these parts of the paradise. But aside from the warm climate, indolence may partly explained by the abundance with which Nature has endowed the country, a fact which makes the Filipino exert less effort in the belief that he does not have to work hard to make both ends meet.
Then too because of the close family and personal ties, the Filipino is assured of three square meals every day if only e would have the nerve to go from one relative to another. He knows that no relative or friend would turn him out and so he imposes himself on his willing or unwilling victims. G. Jealousy For Lawrence Durrell, “it is not love that is blind, but jealousy. ” One of the trait of a Filipino is the feeling of being jealous. For every Filipino does not look with favor on a woman who flirts with several men. To him the sweet heart’s or the wife’s eyes are meant only form him and for no other.
Even his closest friend cannot kiss his wife with impunity on the pretext that it is a brotherly kiss. The Filipino, therefore, requires complete faith and loyalty of his wife or sweetheart. A deviation from this unwritten law oftentimes leads to a bloody mess. Among the many examples is when a Jealous husband stabs his wife and hacks his neighbor, It is in a fit of jealousy that a husband stabbed dead his wife then attack the woman’s alleged paramour in barangay Yati, Liloan, northern Cebu. Police said that the husband was furius when his 41 year old wife, admitted to him that she and a married neighbor in 39 years of age had a relationship.
It was their daughter who told the police that she heard her mother shouting for help in the 1:30 a. m in that morning. The daughter ran to her parents room and saw her knife wielding father standing in front of her mother, who was lying bloodied on the top of the bed. Her mother died because of multiple stab wounds. It is not only this instance that the jealousy of a betrayed husband was actualize there are many instances wherein such things had happened, bloody killings, are often enough reported in the daily newspapers, and are frequent and usual upshot is jealousy, for to a Filipino blood is required to was the stain of his honor H.
Camaraderie “Pakikisama” or camaraderie among other nation is also one of the best traits that Filipino possesses. The spirit of comradeship makes Filipinos trustworthy beings. The idea of bayanihan was established because of Filipino camaraderie. Filipino shows no elements of deceit, dishonesty and selfishness. Everybody is willing to help one another is the other is in need of help. I. Regionalism Regionalism is defined as a Political subdivision of an area into partially autonomous region, which characterize by loyalty to the interest of a particular region.
A Feature of such is an expression, a pronunciation, or a custom, that is characteristic of a geographical area. It is also a quality in literature that is the product of fidelity to the habits, speech, manners, history, folklore, and beliefs of a particular geographical section. That is why a Filipino, does not think in terms of national boundaries but in regional oneness. This feeling is an extension of the closeness of family ties. Invariably, the Filipino believes that the person known to him, no matter how bad is btter than the one unknown to him no matter how.
Good. Thus one finds college or university students calling a meeting of all those who come from the different parts of county. ——————————————– [ 2 ]. C. Lewis, Elementary Latin Dictionary (Oxford Univ. Press, 2000), p. 371. [ 3 ]. Who is derrida [ 4 ]. Teodoro A. Agocillo, History of the Filipino People eight edition, C&E publishing Inc. ,2012, p. 6-7 [ 5 ]. Teodoro A. Agocillo, History of the Filipino People eight edition, p. 7 [ 6 ]. Editorial, Familiy Ties, Philippine Daily Inquirer, September 20, 2011 [ 7 ]. Teodoro A.
Agocillo, History of the Filipino People eight edition, p. 7 [ 8 ]. Hugh Rice ,”Fatalism”. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. Retrieved December 2, 2010 p. 71 [ 9 ]. Teodoro A. Agocillo, History of the Filipino People eight edition, p. 9-10 [ 10 ]. Martin, Mike W. ,Virtuous giving: philanthropy, voluntary service, and caring. Indiana University Press. p. 40. [ 11 ]. Teodoro A. Agocillo, History of the Filipino People eight edition, p. 10 [ 12 ]. Teodoro A. Agocillo, History of the Filipino People eight edition, p. 11 [ 13 ]. Teodoro A. Agocillo, History of the Filipino People eight edition, p. 12.
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Violence against women Essay
Doctors have a big role on violence against women. For example; women are afraid of their husbands and they don’t tell the truth to the doctors. They lie about their injuries. How does the process work in Turkey? The cause of the injuries can be understood by the doctor in the emergency services and the other branches which the victims call upon. The experienced doctors have some methods to determine whether the injury is caused by pounding or a accident.
The doctors have a huge role because women are afraid to tell that they are being pounded. However if the victims trust their doctors, they feel much more free to tell their problems. This is valid for all of the doctors but it is more important for the psychiatrist because getting beated is shameful and women are afraid of being isolated from the society. In our society there is a understanding that what happens in the family stays in the family.
Therefore even the polices are afraid to interfere.
The families hesitate to externalize it because they are afraid of bad reputations. They don’t want to dechiper it. Violence has a contagious side so it is cover by the families to stop it for getting serious. When it is covered, the perpetrators don’t understand the power of the victims. Violence is a act that is applied by the stonger ones to the weaker ones. To feel the weaknesness and the desperation of the weaker ones, provokes the violence. Actually it is a though situation for the perpetrators too. The perpetrator should be examined because getting some help can relax them. For example, a girl and a boy’s mother is being exposed to violence by their father,how does the situation affect the children?
It affects them differently. First of when it is examined, it is seen that the perpetrator had eaxposed to violence in the past. For some cases, the perpetrator identifies with their perpetrators. However for some cases, it damages the witness and cause depression and anxiety. Or it causes not physical violence but verbal violence.For example insulting.It is much more difficult to treath.
All in the Family Essay
Throughout one’s life, things are going to grow and change, yet one thing will always remain the same, one’s family. This social unit, whether it be related by blood or the love that comes from a family will always remain strong. While taking a look at two narratives, we will discuss the lessons learned, family functions, extended family, and the impressions that are made upon the readers of these stories.
Taking a look at these powerful narratives, we as readers see many lessons that are learned throughout these pieces of writing.
Taking a look at the narrative, An Indian Story by Roger Jack, this non-nuclear family shows us the readers, the lesion of who can and could be considered family. This important lesson shows how although his Aunt Greta is not immediate family like his father would be; she becomes immediate in his time of need. “My home and academic life improved a lot after I had moved in with Aunt Greta” (Jack 53).
This improvement of life for these characters shows how this social network made of defined characters were able to adapt and transform to the ever-changing needs and circumstances of its “family” members.
Moving on to the much different narrative entitled, Looking for Work by Gary Soto were we take a look at a nuclear family that is much different. The life of a Mexican American boy who strives for nothing less than for his family to be “perfect” like he sees on TV. His longing for the, “Father looks on in his suit. The mother, decked out in earrings and a pearl necklace, cuts into her steak and blushes. Their conversation so politely clipped” (Soto 29). These constant strives to be perfect and rich consumed most of his time.
Yet by the end of this narrative, he would finally learn the most important lesson of all, his family is who they are. Much like Gary Soto in his story, Looking for Work I learned the same exact lesson. Although my family may have been crazy and somewhat embarrassing they are who they are and there was nothing I could do about it. My family was always going to be there for me no matter what and I couldn’t love them more for that. Throughout these two narratives, everyone experienced the presence of family in some form or another and I have to say, I don’t know what I would do without mine.
While reading these stories I found a few similarities between the families in the stories and my own family that really stood out to me. First, the importance of 3family in general. I cannot stress enough how important my family is to me; yet when I was a child, much like the boys in these stories, I did not realize it. Another similarity I shared with these stories was how close I was to my grandma like Roger Jack was to his Aunt Greta. This warmed my heart because I love my grandma and so many instances throughout that narrative reminded me of my grandma and I. Much like when Roger stated, “I walked to Aunt Greta’s and asked if I could move in with her since I had already spent so much time with her anyway” (Jack 53). Yet one way in which my family is different from the families in these narrative is that I was blessed to have a mom and a dad growing up and I could not be more thankful for that.
Growing up is an important time in any child’s life. Whether it is like the boys in these narratives or anyone else; that is a time for you to grow and shape into an individual. I believe that the environment I grew up in was a good thing for me and it shaped my entire worldview. I grew up with great yet strict parents, a loving, caring, hard working mom and housewife, and a tough, hard working, funny father. Together they taught me to work for everything I have because later in life nothing was going to be handed to me. I was taught a great work ethic and good morals from the very beginning. I believe that because of those teachings by my great parents, I am the person I am today.
Extended family most definitely differed between the two narratives yet the importance was there. As with my extended family, we are very close, especially with my mom’s mom Erna. I always grew up with her right across the street and I loved every minute of it! She was always there for me and I always had fun whenever I was with her. I remember her cooking for me and us gardening together. Although the dictionary considers grandparents extended family, I do not. My grandma was so close to my family, especially my mom and I that to me she is immediate family. The importance of extended family and family in general to me is practically my life. I would do anything for them just as they would for me. I am so grateful to have such a close immediate and an extended family in my life.
Looking at both narratives, there was one that made a more powerful impression upon me as a reader. Looking for Work by Gary Soto really stood out to me for one reason, the lesson. I believe in the fact that your family is who they are and there is nothing that you can do about it besides accept them. I love how Gary realized at the end that his family was not going to be like the family on Father Knows Best and that was ok. I think that made such an impression on me because I was the same way when I was little, I hated when my parents would make jokes and be silly but as I was growing up I grew to love it.
My family is who they are and I love them for it! I wouldn’t trade my family for anything in the world and by the end of the story Gary seemed to feel the same way. In the beginning, Gary would be so frustrated when his siblings would wear bathing suits to dinner, when he had specifically asked them to dress up. Yet towards the end of the story such change took over Gary. “That evening at dinner we all sat down in our bathing suits to eat our beans, laughing and chewing loudly” (Soto 29). This quote is a prime example of the change that underwent the main character and showed the point in which he accepted everyone at that table for who they were, family.
Jack, Roger. “An Indian Story.” Ed. Gary Colombo, Robert Cullen, and Bonnie Lisle. Rereading America Cultural Contexts for Critical Thinking and Writing. 8th ed. Boston: Bedford St. Martin’s, 2010. 52-61. Print. Soto, Gary. “Looking for Work.” Ed. Robert Cullen and Bonnie Lisle. Rereading America Cultural Contexts for Critical Thinking and Writing. Ed. Gary Colombo. 8th ed. Boston: Bedford St. Martin’s, 2010. 26-31. Print.
My Counseling Theory Paper Essay
Running head: Finding Meaning Finding Meaning in Life Sandy Patty Made Up University Abstract What is to be said about life and circumstances? There are many different theories and perspectives about it, but my concern is when someone feels they have to be subject to their circumstance. Further in this paper I will discuss my personal counseling theory and how I believe that not one person has to be ruled by a certain circumstance and that they are not by any means validated by one person because they have the opportunity to discover meaning in their life for themselves and discover an array of opportunities in life.
Finding Meaning in Life Introduction My story is not something new or one that has never been told before, but it is unique to me and bears significant value due to the way that it shaped and formed me into the person I am today and the reason for me pursuing a career in counseling.
I come from a mixed, biracial, and very religious family. The women in my family all seem to have gone through significant and grave hardships and/or traumatic experiences. My grandmother was sold as a sex slave when she was 3 years old because her Mother was dirt poor and needed money to sustain her drug/alcohol addiction.
At an early age my grandmother was forced into prostitution as a way of life and a means to sustain herself. She then later met my grandfather who was a minister in a local religious church and they married. My mother was born into a very religious environment, strict dress codes, no jewelry, makeup, pants, they were forcefully instructed that they were the lesser of men, and they were to always obey their husband regardless of the issue or circumstance. During my Mother’s adolescent years she was a victim of child molest and the perpetrator was an important figure in the church.
When my Mother attempted to tell my grandmother what had happened, she was severely physically punished and accused of lying. Since then, she never once told a soul as it continued to occur. She had become a pin-cushion for a “religious leader” within the church. Later on in life, my Mother met my father who was a young youth pastor in town and they married. My father was also a very religious man and held strongly to his beliefs. My parents struggled financially and experienced many hardships due to church and family.
I believe my parents were somewhat forced in marriage at such an early age due to their religious setting and they were not prepared at all for what faced them ahead. My mother had children by age 19 and her life changed dramatically. My one and only older sibling was born and he became the closest thing to a mentor that I had. I too, grew up in a very religious and strict home environment. We were taught that there was only one way to live and it was according to the Bible and the rules taught in Church, anything else was unacceptable and reprimanded.
My father was always a very hard worker and was hardly home due to working so many jobs in order to provide for the family. When he was home, I remember him and my mother arguing constantly due to issues with his family interfering with their marriage and finances. From an early age, I remember my mother crying and coming to me to talk about what was bothering her or issues with my father. I would just listen and offer advice as best as an 8 yr. old could and I remember thinking to myself, “Is this normal, am I supposed to be doing this? It felt strange and hard to not be biased in a situation involving my family, but I learned at a very young age things a child should not know or experience. I definitely had to grow up quick and learned to figure things out on my own. My older brother pretty much raised me and was the only person I could confide in or talk to. My family was not very affectionate, but rather very cold and distant and always brought everything back to a religious setting.
I have always been told I was very mature for my age and I attribute this to my childhood or lack thereof and being forced to play an adult role due to circumstance. I do not write this story for pity, but rather because I believe it played a significant role in me pursuing counseling as a career path. It feels so natural for me when I’m talking to people because it was something I can always remember doing. From such an early age, I have always been engaged with older people and hearing about issues from failed relationships to traumatic/crisis situations.
I strongly believe that this is one of the reasons I am not a very judgmental person because I feel I have experienced so much that I know what it is like to go through many different situations and not so pleasant circumstances. Core Theoretical Principles My counseling theory is that even though human beings have the need for approval or longing of someone else to bring substantial meaning in their life, they are not by any means validated by any one person or situation because you focus on the present and future and make the most of your circumstance.
I experienced that in my childhood every time I saw my mother and father arguing and later I would hear from her what exactly happened between them. I remember thinking to myself that why would someone stay in an abusive situation or at least not stand up for themselves. I concluded that she needed to be validated by the relationship and for her to leave the relationship or stand up for herself would mean to defy her husband, church, and God.
The Existential theory really brought insight into my life because it helped me understand what I always knew and from what I had experienced at an early age. In essence Existentialism states that we are not victims of circumstance because, to a large extent, we are what we choose to be (Corey, 2009, pg. 133). It is about recognizing certain tragedies experienced in life, but also embracing and understanding the positive opportunities that lie ahead, and to also comprehend the fact that we are human and what it means to be just that.
It is a difficult concept to grasp at first because society teaches us that it is about building relationships and finding someone to validate who you are as a person, but existentialism is about understanding and facing the fact that we are essentially alone and facing that anxiety. It is in this theory that we tend to discover just who we are as a person and are able to discover more about ourselves and make sense of our existence. According to Carl Rogers, his experience taught him that if one is able to get to the core of an individual, one finds a trustworthy, positive center.
He believed that people are trustworthy, resourceful, capable of self-understanding and self-direction, able to make constructive changes, and able to live effective and productive lives. In this theory, I believe that despite circumstance, a person is able to “bounce back” and still be able to live a healthy and high functioning life. I would incorporate what Car Rogers expressed as the three main attributes needed to foster change, Congruence, Unconditional Positive Regard, and Accurate Empathic Understanding.
For me, it has always been very important for me to deal with someone on a personal level, never forgetting that we are all humans and not above anyone else. I honestly believe that when you treat someone with respect regardless of age, gender, race, etc. then trust and respect is created and that is the number one element in any counseling relationship. Gestalt is another form of holistic psychology theory and one that I would strongly employ because I am a firm believer in perception and the meaning-making process.
Gestalt therapy suggests that the objective is to enable the client to become more fully and creatively alive and to become free from the blocks and unfinished business that may diminish satisfaction, fulfillment, and growth, and to experiment with new ways of being (Corey, 2009, pg. 204). It looks at the bigger picture as a whole not just one part of the whole because I believe in order to truly understand someone you need to perhaps dissect pieces, but only in order to understand the whole.
Anticipated Settings I currently am employed at a Child & Family Advocacy Center that helps victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, child abuse, and elder abuse. I have always been interested in the helping profession and because of my childhood and the many different experiences and circumstances I encountered, I have always known I wanted to work in this specific area in order to attempt to make a change and help people who fall victims of such a terrible circumstance.
As a future counselor I would like to remain relatively in the same field of helping victims of a crime, which include sexual assault, child molest, and domestic violence. I have seen and experienced all of this personally whether with family or friends and I have a passion and urge to help make a difference. I believe that life is definitely not fair, people are played the cards they are dealt, but also that a person is not validated by their past circumstances or anyone and it is up to them to find meaning in their life and discover who they are and want to become.
Techniques I believe that it is necessary to provide adequate education and training to all the community because there are many people who unaware of the laws that can protect them from crimes and they are also unaware of the many various options they have to change their situation. I would employ an ongoing community education program offering free training to local offices, schools, day cares, etc. , just to spread the word of the different community resources available to help the people.
In working closely with and advocacy center, I would incorporate a domestic violence group that is not biased and one that actually helpful to people and does not enable them. Unfortunately, services in this area are limited to the same service providers and people are left with limited options. Too many times, clients have approached me with disappointment in therapist they have encountered and they are turned off by the idea of counseling because of several negative experiences.
I am very passionate about this type of work specifically because of my past and I would like to genuinely be able to help people in these types of situations and therefore, would in the future, like to offer counseling services specifically to victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and/or child abuse. I would not be biased, and because of my past I understand what it is like to live in that type of situation and I also understand leaving is not always the easiest decision a person can make because there are many factors to consider.
People in these types of situations are very unique in the fact that they have learned to survive on their own and know what they need to do or to say the right thing in order to survive. This is not a situation where one counseling theory covers all clients, so I would tailor each to the specific person because I understand their situation is unique and requires a technique to match. Also, I believe that it is vital to establish a healthy relationship with the client in order for them to trust you and open up to you. I would incorporate many of the Rogerian techniques regarding the genuine relationship with the client, trusting environment.
Victims of any of these types of crime have been through some of the most horrendous situations and they have learned to adapt to the perpetrators needs and threats. If a counselor walks into a session with an “all knowing” authoritative attitude it will discourage the victim from speaking the truth and the counselor will have lost, which may have been the only opportunity, to help the victim possible change their circumstance. I would enter into the counselor/client relationship giving respect and trust on my part and genuinely attempting to get to know the client and their unique situation.
I would also involve the client every step of the way because it is this same client that returns to their situation at home and not me so I would always need to have their best interest and safety in mind. The clients would not just be another file on my desk, but rather a person who’s life can be altered by perhaps just one meeting in counseling so what better change to reach out and try and help someone. It is with this that I would definitely incorporate many of the existential techniques in helping clients find meaning in their life by exploring their different life situations.
Limitations A very common limitation that I experience already in the line of work I do now is the fact that even though I am passionate about this field, the actuality of it is that I cannot change a person, they have to decide for themselves when that change is appropriate. Many times I have seen counselors burnout in this field because they feel they are not making any significant change due to many victims returning to the same abusive relationship or circumstance. So in theory, all of these techniques and theories are wonderful, but in reality they are dependent on the client.
Summary Life is simple, it’s just not easy. People have to play the cards they are dealt. Life is not fair by any means and we could use this as an excuse to wallow in pity or use it to motivate us to overcome and conquer our situation. We are not validated by any one circumstance or person, we can choose to discover for ourselves who we are and who we wish to become. My personal counseling theory is just that, very personal because it was unknowingly developed over time due mostly through what I have experienced in life.