Communication Skills: Understanding the Speaker

Your submission should be around 400 words. Please use full sentences and paragraphs in your assignment, and remember I am looking for depth of reflection and analysis. Do not simply answer the questions. Any support materials you use must have an in-text citation and a reference using APA 7th edition formatting.

1. Request options. When listening to the problems/challenges of a family member or friend, instead of giving advice, ask them to come up with options. What was the situation (person, topic of conversation)? What did you say (quote your request options statements)? How well did it work? What would you do differently? How did it feel? What else did you learn?

CHAPTER 5
Listening

The Importance of Listening
� When people think of

improving their
communication skills,
they usually think of
developing their ability
to send messages.

� We listen more than any
other communication
skill.

� Research suggests that
listening is considered
the most important
communication skill
people want in others.

Listening Defined

� Listening: The process of receiving,

interpreting, and responding to spoken and
non-verbal messages.

� Hearing: The process by which sound waves
strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that
are transmitted to the brain.

� Hearing is automatic whereas listening
requires effort of paying attention,
understanding,
remembering, and
responding.

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Listening Defined

� Mindless listening

! Occurs when we react to others’
messages automatically and
routinely, without much mental
investment.

� Mindful listening
! Involves giving careful and

thoughtful attention and
responses to the messages we
receive.

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Reasons for Listening
1. To understand and remember.

2. To evaluate.

3. To build and maintain relationships.

4. To help others.

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The Challenge of Listening

� Information overload

� Personal concerns

� Rapid thought

! Can understand~ 600 words per minute;
average person speaks 100–140 words
per minute.

� Noise

! Background noises means it takes
more effort to listen

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Types of Non-Listening
1. Pseudo-listening

! Polite imitation of listening to mask inattention.

2. Stage hogging

! Being interested only in expressing one’s own ideas
and not caring about what other people have to say.

3. Selective listening

! Responding only to the parts of a speaker’s remarks
that spark one’s interest, rejecting everything else.

Types of Non-Listening
4. Filling in gaps

! Manufacturing information so that when a story is
retold, the message is distorted in order to give the
impression of imparting the full story.

5. Insulated listening
! Failing to hear or acknowledge certain topics when

they are raised.

6. Defensive listening
! Taking innocent comments as personal attacks.

7. Ambushing
! Listening in order to collect information with which to

attack the speaker.

Activity: Types of Non-Listening

1. Tyler couldn’t wait for Emma to make a mistake so that he could verbally jump
on her for it. ________________________

2. Paige often appears to be paying attention in class even though her mind is
miles away. ________________________

3. Keith thinks he knows what Craig is going to say because they are such good
friends. __________________________

4. Sam seems to take everything anyone says as an attack. _____________________

5. Dale never gives anyone else a chance to speak. _________________________

6. Although we’ve told Cynthia three times that her partner is cheating on her, she
never seems to register the message. ___________________________

7. Rylan was able to tune out the conversation in the other room while studying
until he heard his own name come up. ___________________________

A: Pseudo-listening; B: Stage hogging; C: Selective listening; D: Filling in
the gaps; E: Insulted listening; F: Defensive listening; G: Ambushing

The Components of Listening

� Hearing

! Physiological; reduced by
physiological disorders,
background noise, and auditory
fatigue.

� Attending

! Psychological; paying attention
to both verbal and non-verbal
messages.

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The Components of Listening
� Understanding

! Familiar with rules of language;
knowledge about the source and
context of the message; and
willingness/motivation to understand.

� Remembering

! Depends on the number of times
information is heard; how much
information there is to store; whether
or not the information can be
rehearsed; and the level of intimacy
between the speaker and listener.

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The Components of Listening

� Responding

! Giving observable (both
verbal and non-verbal)
feedback to the speaker.

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Activity: Your Own Listening
� Try to think about some specific instances when:

1. You heard another person’s message but didn’t attend to
it.

2. You attended to a message but forgot it almost
immediately.

3. You attended to and remembered a message but did not
understand it accurately.

4. You understood a message but did not respond
sufficiently to convey your understanding to the sender.

To be a better listener, talk less, get rid of distractions,
don’t jump to conclusions, and look for key ideas.

Types of Listening Responses

A variety of listening styles that range from being quiet
and thoughtful, to being verbally engaged and giving your
opinion. On one end of the spectrum you are not giving
advise or making comments (reflective), but on the other
end you are saying what you think (directive).

Types of Listening Responses
1. Silent listening

! Staying attentive and non-verbally responsive without
saying anything.

! Cultural differences regarding staying quiet. In some
Asian and Indigenous cultures, silence is a way to
communicate respect and to be considerate.

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Types of Listening Responses
2. Questioning

� Types of questions:
1. Open Questions: Allow the

respondent to answer in a
variety of ways.

o “What did you think about the
movie?”

2. Closed Questions: Allow the
respondent a limited range of
answers.

o “Did you like the movie?”

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Types of Listening Responses
2. Questioning continued

Sincere questions are used to understand others.
! To clarify meanings.
! To learn about other people’s thoughts, feelings, and

wants.
! To encourage elaboration.
! To encourage discovery.
! To gather more facts and details.

Types of Listening Responses
2. Questioning continued

Counterfeit questions are used to send a message, not
receive one.

! Questions that trap the speaker (e.g. leading questions).
! Questions that make statements.
! Questions that carry hidden agendas.
! Questions that seek “correct” answers.
! Questions based on unverified assumptions.

Types of Listening Responses
3. Paraphrasing

! Feedback that restates in your own words the message
you thought the speaker sent.

! When paraphrasing you can:
A. Change the speaker’s wording.
B. Offer an example of what you think the speaker is talking

about.

C. Describe the underlying theme of the speaker’s remarks.
o Example: “Lee is so inconsiderate and self-centered. I can’t

believe I’m friends with him.”

! Paraphrasing factual information (date/time/directions).
! Paraphrasing personal information

(thoughts/feelings/behaviour).

Types of Listening Responses
3. Paraphrasing

� Objectives:
! Show your desire to understand the speakers thoughts.
! Check your listening accuracy and encourage further

dialogue.
! Let the speaker know you are committed to getting the facts

right.

� Method:
! Listen until you understand the speaker’s point of view.
! Wait for a natural “break” in the conversation.
! Briefly restate the speaker’s ideas emphasizing the facts.
! Request feedback.

Types of Listening Responses
3. Paraphrasing

� Why paraphrasing works:
1. It allows you to find out if the

message you think you got is
correct.

2. It draws more information out
from the speaker.

3. It can diffuse a heated
moment because the speaker
feels more “heard” and that
you are trying to understand
what they are saying.

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Types of Listening Responses
4. Empathizing

� What listeners use when they want to show they
identify with a speaker.

� Requires perspective taking, emotional contagion,
and genuine concern.

� Empathizing is not:
! Denying others the right to their feelings.
! Minimizing the significance of the situation.
! Focus on yourself.
! Raining on the speaker’s parade.

Types of Listening Responses
5. Supporting

� Reveals your solidarity with the speaker’s situation.

� Types of supportive responses:
! Agreement
! Offers to help
! Praise
! Reassurance

� Social support improves mental and physical health.

� Be sincere, focus on the “here and now”, and tune
into what they need.

Types of Listening Responses
6. Analyzing

� The listener offers an interpretation of a speaker’s
message.

� Guidelines for knowing when it’s helpful to offer
analysis:
! Offer your interpretation in a tentative way rather than an

absolute fact.
! Your analysis ought to have a reasonable chance of being

correct.
! Make sure that the other person will be receptive to your

analysis.

! Be sure that your motive for offering an analysis is truly
to help the other person.

Types of Listening Responses
7. Evaluating

� Appraises the sender’s
thoughts or behaviour in
some way.

� Evaluations may be
favourable or
unfavourable.

� Constructive criticism
from friends, family, and
instructors.

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Types of Listening Responses
8. Advising

! Providing the speaker with your opinion about what
they should do.

! Most common reaction.

� Only offer advice under the following conditions:
! You are sure the other person really wants to hear

your suggestions.
! You are confident that your advice is correct.
! You are able to offer the advice in a sensitive manner.

Types of Listening Responses
� Which style of listening should I use?

! Consider the situation.

! Consider the other person.

! Consider yourself, your weaknesses, and your
strengths.