ASSIGNMENT #1

Write 150 Word Count Response to the Discussion Board POSTED BELOW.

Ministry or Agency-based Context.

For the purposes of this post, my anticipated role in a ministry would be as a biblical counselor at the local church near Justin’s home. I anticipate that because of the traumatic event, Justin would come looking for forgiveness due to the guilt he has been feeling. I also anticipate that his guilt may potentially grow because he received a very light sentence from the judge. He may feel like he doesn’t deserve the grace that has been given to him. It would be my privilege as the counselor that helps Justin deal with the emotions that he is feeling at this moment in his life.

Guiding Purpose Statement. A guiding purpose statement (GPS) will help me be and become more Christlike because it will keep me focused on following Christ and not getting distracted from what is truly important. A GPS is created by first looking at the attributes that encompass a Christlike follower and then developing a concise statement that will remind the follower to continuously align their actions and thoughts with the statement. Without a GPS, the counselor may lose track of the main purpose of the interaction with the counselee. The GPS allows the counselor to go back and refocus, with the help of the Holy Spirit, on being a light in the darkness. It also helps make the time with the counselee more efficient by staying on course during each counseling session.

Rapport and Relational Alignment. One of the best ways to build rapport is through listening. Kollar describes three different forms of listening. Passive listening, active listening, and attentive listening. (Kollar, p. 92) He goes on to say, “Attentive listening is clearly not passive. It has the quality of careful, alert listening; which is the ideal of active listening. Yet with a different purpose”. (Kollar, p. 92) In order to build rapport, I will start with good “attentive listening”. Additionally, I will align with Justin’s relational style by first observing how he acts and communicates with me. My relation style is C/S/I. Although Bruce imagined that Justin was probably an “Immature or Out-Of-Control” D type personality, Justin was actually much different in reality. (Carbonell, p. 239) I would have to evaluate him a little more, but I would say that he leans pretty far on the S type personality side. Also, Justin was willing to speak at the schools with Bruce. He wanted to help bring at least some good about from the horrible situation. I think Justin would come to the counselling session in the “willing position”. Kollar states that, “A counselee who is in a willing position is one who enters the counseling session with a clear problem”. (Kollar, p. 80) I would say that Justin fully understands the problem, he just may need someone to listen and help him develop solutions for dealing with the problems. 

Phase One Distinctive Features. First, before even talking to Justin I would know that, “God is already active”. (Kollar, p. 63) It is important to realize that the Holy Spirit is working in Justin’s heart. It is my job to help nurture and look for “clues” of God’s activity. (Kollar, p. 63) The goal is to a get problem description. In order to do this, I need to listen well. As I start to attentively listen to Justin, I will try to build rapport and get his story. (Kollar, p. 92) I must always keep in mind that even though Justin made a horrible mistake, he is still made in the image of God and is loved, forgiven, and accepted. (Nichols, p. 46) I need to take into account that he may be “flat brained” due to all the emotions he is feeling. It is likely that he has, “hurt-feeling residue from earlier painful situations that weren’t unloaded well enough.” (Petersen, p. 29) I will need to analyze his words and behavior positions to ensure that we are making progress in the session. Knowing whether his is currently attending, blaming, or willing will be an important factor in moving forward. (Kollar, p. 80-81) I must look for an invitation into Justin’s world. I will look to see if he is letting me in or keeping me at a distance. “We are to ‘rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn’ (Rom. 12:15).” (Kollar, p. 95) I will give encouraging feedback, looking for clues, and awaiting an invitation to help. (Kollar, p. 96-101)    

Phase One Marker. The marker I would look for from Justin would be him essentially asking for my opinion or advice. “Often it will come in the fashion of a request for ‘expert’ help. ‘So, what would you do?’ ‘Have you ever heard of a problem like this.’ Or ‘What do you suggest? I guess I am looking for some advice.’” (Kollar, p. 101) I would look for these markers.

ASSIGNMENT #2

Write 150 Word Count Response to the Discussion Board POSTED BELOW.

Phase Two Distinctive Features

· The purpose of Phase Two is to develop Brody’s preferred story. 

· I asked Brody if he had spent any time this week working on his music and if he had considered using the music to express his feelings, as we had talked about last time. He said he did, but he hadn’t gotten very far. He just wrote some thoughts down. I asked, “Do you remember any of the lines that you wrote?” “I actually brought my notebook with me, if you’d like to see it.” he said. “That would be great! I would love that!” I said enthusiastically. When I looked at the notebook there were several lines written in poetic form that expressed the deep hurt that he was feeling. “Wow, Brody,” I said, “this is so honest. It must have been hard for you to write all this down. Grief can be so hard to put into words, but it can be really good for us to do so. (Clinton and Hawkins 2009, 134) What line do you think says the most about how you are feeling?” Brody thought for a minute and responded, “Alone in my hopelessness.” 

· I was reminded of Psalm 40 where David said, “I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.” (Psalm 40:1-2 NLT) I encouraged Brody that though he felt alone, God was present and active in his situation. (Kollar 1997, 63)

· After talking a little more about that line, I asked Brody if there were any times this week when he didn’t feel alone or hopeless, searching for exceptions. (Kollar 1997, 69) He said that his dad had taken him out to dinner this week and tried to make conversation.  “It was awkward,” he said, “but it was nice to see him trying. I think I might have even forgot about it all for a few minutes.” 

· Goal formulation is the goal of Phase Two. In order to move toward goal setting with Brody, I felt that it was time for the “miracle question.” (Kollar 1997, 183) I reminded Brody that God loves us and is always working for our good. (Nichols 2017, 87)  I asked, “This may seem like a strange question, but if tonight, God did an incredible miracle and completely took away all the pain and hopelessness that you are struggling with right now, what would your family see that would be different about you?” Brody said, “I guess they would see me smile more. Maybe I would have more energy and spend more time hanging out with my friends again.” I asked, “On a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being total miracle territory, where do you think you are right now?” Brody responded that he currently feels like a 2. (Kollar 1997, 185)

· In Phase Two, the chief aim is to collaborate well. As we continued our scaling exercise, I asked Brody what it might look like for him to move from a 2 to a 3 or 4. I explained to Brody that he was the expert on his own situation and that we would be working together to help find solutions that could help him move farther up the scale. (Kollar 1997, 63)

· My role and responsibility, as the counselor in Phase Two, is to continue to build rapport and fit with Brody. I continue to do that through trying to be encouraging, (my GPS) actively listening, and being especially aware of my tendency to offer advice. (Petersen 2015, 136) It’s also an important responsibility of Phase Two to continue to validate Brody’s concerns and allow Brody to feel like he is able to lead in the direction that seems right to him, while being aware of boundaries. 

· There are several guiding assumptions that came to mind in this session with Brody. “Finding exceptions helps create solutions” (Kollar 1997, 63) reminded me to ask Brody to look for times in his life when he didn’t feel alone and hopeless. Another guiding assumption is “The counselee is the expert and defines goals.” This helps me to remember to allow Brody to lead the way and not hinder the process by trying to take over. (Kollar 1997, 63)

Supportive Feedback Break

· I explained to Brody that we would take a brief break to process and that I would return in a few minutes with some final thoughts. 

· I reinforced to Brody that everyone grieves in their own unique way, but that everyone grieves. It is both normal and very important that he take his time through the process. (Clinton and Hawkins 2009, 133) 

Phase Two Marker

· During the miracle question and scaling part of our conversation, I asked Brody if he could imagine life as a 10 on the scale, where God had completely taken away all of the pain and grief he was feeling. It was hard for him to imagine, but he started to seem excited about the idea that he could start to feel like himself again. I asked him what things were in his control that could help him feel more like a 3 or a 4. He responded positively to the idea of those things and thought he would be able to implement a few of them immediately. Brody showed that he wants to be a willing participant in his healing and has moved into a “willing” position.

ASSIGNMENT #3

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Rapport and Rational Alignment

         Phase three has officially started, but this is no time for me to let my guard down about how I shift my personality to align better with his. In fact, I feel that if I let my domineering side shine too much, he would feel more pressure to perform at a higher level. I think that in reality the information he would share with me at that point would be exaggerated just to please me. I do not want Brody to do anything because I want him too but because he wants too. God gave all of us free will and I want Brody to be able to have free will through this phase. Galatians 5:13 says that “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”[1]

Phase Three Distinctive Features

         Brody and I have partnered together through phase two and have finally prepared an action plan for him to follow. Furthermore, Brody has demonstrated himself to forgive others and enter into the willing position.

         Now that these things have happened, we are starting phase three. This is a big phase that requires Brody to be actively working at the action plan to achieve his goal. As his counselor I want be able hold his hand every single second of every single day, but I can be there to encourage him when he is down and praise him for when he does good. I think through this process; Brody will find himself more discouraged if we have 3 or 4 big steps planned out. My plan would to have numerous goals and steps involved so that Brody will stay encouraged and find value even in small changes. I want to be a tool for Brody to use, whether it is for clarification, needing someone to talk too, or seeking affirmation for his progress. 

Supportive Feedback Break

         Dr. Charles Allen Kollar is the author of Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling talks about future focused questions and says, “through it a creative solution is developed that encourages faith, competence, and a positive outcome. It represents a possible solution that proceeds naturally from the counselee’s strengths.”[2]  I think it is important to spark Brody’s thoughts through questions that make him think about a positive future instead of looking back on his past. 

         After losing family members I can only imagine what Brody is going through or feeling. I am sure deep down there is grieving happening whether he lets that surface or not. Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Ron Hawkins are the authors of The Quick Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling and give some good insight into this matter. They say that “The goal of grieving is not to get things back to normal. After a loss, one’s entire life may change. The goal is to find and accept a new ‘normal.’”[3] I think that this is an important mindset to keep to properly help Brody combat his grief. Especially when I am trying to get him to think of a future, I want to do so in a way that is not trying to put everything back to normal, but to give him the best life with the past incidents in mind. 

Phase Three Marker

         Everything prior to phase four has been done in a one on one setting between me and Brody. Eventually it will be time for Brody to join a growth group to further his development. This means that he will have to be ready to share things with others other than myself. When this time comes that will mark the end of phase three and start phase four. 

ASSIGNMENT #4

Write 150 Word Count Response to the Discussion Board POSTED BELOW

Rapport and Relational Alignment

            Closing night, the final curtain call.  Bruce and I are quite comfortable working together and have come to appreciate the role each of us plays in the grand finale.  Having earned Bruce’s trust, we hold confidence in one another, partners equivalent in this enterprise.  There have been setbacks, yes, testament to the struggles of humanity’s universal fallen nature.  However, turning Bruce’s dominant nature into a powerful motivator to rekindle his relationship with God will help him guide Brody through the healing process as they mend their relationship.

Phase Four Distinctive Features

            The casual observer may conclude that Bruce’s increasing independence during counseling indicates he is preparing to conclude treatment.  Truth is, only Bruce knows.  The solutions-based model discourages protracted therapy which leads to dependence upon others instead of God (Institute for Nouthetic Studies, 2018).  Although I encourage him to utilize Scripture and prayer, whom else can impart the courage and strength to continue as there is little more I can do at this juncture.

            He is ready to move on.

Supportive Feedback Break

            This does not imply we shall sever all ties.  Nor should it; I anticipate Bruce will periodically wish to revisit these challenges, akin to George Lucas’s continuous editing of the beloved Star Wars franchise.  Clients are most vulnerable in the immediate aftermath of treatment (Goldstein, Moeller, Parvaz, 2016), and I would be derelict in my duties as a counselor to send him out a lamb amidst wolves.

            I am responsible to ensure Bruce is equipped to endure (Nemko, 2014).  Yet Bruce is accountable for adhering to any action plan we devise.  Regardless the stratagem, I shall follow up with four weekly phone calls then invite him for a follow-up session in 60 days if he continues to exhibit contention.  And he is free to call me any time for additional suggestions or if he simply needs someone to speak with in order to vent any resounding frustration.

            Finally, with permission, I will contact his local pastor and inquire of any support groups for those who have lost family members to tragedy to establish and reinforce community fellowship so Bruce knows others share in his walk with the Lord.  

Phase Four Marker

            Bruce is confident…. maybe overly so.  Perhaps he dons a mask to conceal insecurity.  He feels trepidation at the prospect of attempting to go further and may be inclined to return to his old ways, convincing himself things really were not so bad after all, leading to discordance that fuels anxiety.

            But he also feels good about the growing success he has shared with Brody, wanting to hold steady.  To that end, he may stand convicted that he can tackle this alone, Savior or not.  Care is advised to ensure he does not set unrealistic expectations for himself and shoulder an undue burden or worse, hoist one upon his son.

            As with all things, we must turn to God, without whom we are never truly ready.

Food for Thought

            Chapter 8 of John demonstrates a forgiving God when Jesus absolves the adulteress, imploring her to sin no more.

            Sinless perfection?  Not likely.  God knows human frailty, and to insist someone never falter again is patently unrealistic.

            The answer is found in Paul’s letter to the Hebrews.  Chapter 10, verses 24 and 25, exhorts unity, a reminder that we’re in this together.  If all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, then we are admonished to turn no one away.  Yes, we shall counsel those condemned by convention, but it is these for whom Jesus came.  The outcast.  The unfaithful.  The thief.  The nonconformist.  The rebellious.  Sinners, all.

            Just like me.  

I see myself in them.  The pain, the suffering, the tears of remorse.  I have been there, and occasionally return.  Yet there is a God, eager to embrace us.  “Today you will be with me in Paradise.”  To His last breath Jesus refused to turn His back on anyone.

            We would do well to learn this, the ultimate lesson bound in Scripture.