• PEER RESPONSES: You need to respond to at least 3 classmates by Sunday, March 28. Respond in the text box to all of the below questions (or by uploading a PDF with your responses). You will not be completing a rubric for this peer reviews. No late feedback!

PEER REVIEW QUESTIONS

Use the questions below to provide feedback to at least 3 students:

INTRODUCTION SECTION QUESTIONS

1. How does the introduction begin? (a quote, a story, shocking statistic, other) Does it work well? If not, make suggestions.
2. How would you describe the style or mood of the introduction? Is it appropriate for an academic essay?
3. Does the introduction gradually introduce the topic, then the problem, before getting to the thesis? If not, how could it be improved? (One exception is if a shocking statistic/quote is used as a hook)
4. What problem is the writer going to write about in his/her essay? Is it focused on something that could be deeply covered in a research paper?
5. Is it clear why this problem significant or important, according to the writer?
6. How complete is the introduction – does it need to be longer or shorter (should be at least 1 page, but not over 2)?
7. Is it obvious that the writer has a thorough plan for the essay, or does the introduction sound like a very rough overview with no clear focus? 

PROBLEM SECTION QUESTIONS

1. Is “the problem” clearly stated and described in this section?
2. Is the problem narrowed enough so that it could be fully discussed in one essay? If it’s too big, give suggestions to focus it more.
3. Does the writer provide support (sources/quotes/evidence) for the information given about the problem? 
   If so: Is the support adequately used, or does it go off-topic? Is support over-used so that there are more quotes than the writer’s words? Are quotes properly integrated with “quote sandwiches”?
   If there is no support: suggest areas that need more evidence/support from other sources.
4. How complete is this section of the research paper – does it need to be longer or shorter? (Should be about 3+ pages in the final essay)
   Remember: essay 3 must be 8+ pages total, not counting the Works Cited.
5. Do you feel that the paper gives you a thorough overview of the problem, the people/places/etc. affected, as well as details about the problem? In other words, does it prove that this problem is a problem?
6. Again, be honest: Is it obvious that the writer has done research on the problem at this stage of the paper? Are you convinced this is a research essay, or is this just a “plan”? Give feedback on how complete this part of the paper is, and what else is still needed.
7. Give feedback on any editing, style, or MLA errors in the essay, and include specific examples of at least a couple if you find any.

Powers1

Chad Powers

Professor Misaghi

English 1

26 March 2021

America’s Homeless Epidemic

Life is an interesting thing because no matter what, things are always going to be

changing. Now sometimes these changes are for the good and sometimes they are for the bad.

One major change that can affect a person’s life for the worse is by ending up homeless. While

many Americans try to avoid this harsh truth, homelessness is a constantly growing epidemic in

this country. The threat of homelessness isn’t a new issue in the United States, it has been

plaguing this country for centuries. According to an article titled History of Homelessness from

the organization Invisible People, the first ever “historical case of homelessness” in the U.S. was

back in the “1640’s”(Invisible People). The article explains how the uprooting of the native

population from “European settlers” caused conflicts that arose and led to both Native

Americans and Europeans to become homeless. In the present time people are much more likely

to experience being homeless than in days gone by. There are many things that can cause a

person to end up homeless and it hasn’t been our country’s main concern to figure out how these

people ended up on the streets. I personally have known two people who have ended up on the

streets and knowing a bit of their stories sheds some light on the issue at hand, and it brings an

understanding on how to potentially solve it. No matter what the causes are they need to be

discovered and dealt with appropriately. The issues of homelessness that’s been on the rise in

the United States are only going to get worse unless something is done about the lack of

jobs, the poor execution of mental health programs, and the threat of natural disasters.

Powers2

Job loss and outsourcing have been key factors in people becoming homeless. Over the

last year alone unemployment has jumped from “5.72 million in Feb 2020” to “9.97 million in

Feb 2021”(Statista). During the recent and ongoing Covid-19 pandemic, it is estimated that “over

8 million people” in the United States have become unemployed (Flaming, 19). In Los Angeles,

a city that was hit tremendously hard by the pandemic, “homelessness among working-age

adults” has seen a 100 percent increase in the past year (28). Much of this is caused by a “less

forgiving” economy, low wages and high cost of living (28). When the pandemic started in the

beginning of last year many jobs were deemed nonessential. An article from the website

betterteam.com gave a list of employees that were seen as nonessential. Anything from

“hairdressers, waiters and waitresses, and non food related workers” many of which make

minimum wage were let go from their jobs (betterteam). When these people lose their jobs and

source of income they aren’t able to make rent payments. Now as of March 27, 2020 the CARES

Act passed Section 4022, that provides temporary relief on “foreclosures” for people who have

“borrowed federal-backed mortgages”(Beard). This gives a renter an “extended 180 day” period

to get payments, and during this time landlords can’t evict tenants (Beard). The acts to help

people avoid eviction during the pandemic are helpful during these trying times, but it hasn’t

helped so much for people who have already been evicted or are currently living on the streets

for other reasons. Most of these people who are currently homeless are suffering from mental

illness.

People with untreated mental health issues are much more likely to end up on the streets.

According to an article from Professor Deborah K. Padgett at Cambridge, the “relationship with

mental health and homelessness” have been a subject of many reports (Padgett). Studies have

found that about “25-30 percent” of homeless people suffer from a form of mental illness such as

Powers3

“schizophrenia”(Padgett). Mental health is already a vastly overlooked issue in the United States,

and there is a huge “gap between mental health” services that are available to not just the general

population but more importantly the homeless population as well (Padgett). A vast majority of

homeless people are veterans of the U.S. Military. Things such as PTSD are among some of the

psychological effects of war. An article from the American Psychiatric Association has stated

that when “ the Afghanistan and Iraq wars” ended it has left its veterans with a “legacy of

extensive” mental illness (Katz). I happen to have an insight into a person with mental illness

who ended up homeless, because my cousin happens to be living on the streets. She is suffering

from Schizophrenia. The symptoms of her illness didn’t really show up until adulthood when

after she had her second child. Part of what made her illness show up was her development of

postpartum depression. She began to hear voices and hallucinate regularly. She was treated and

given meds to control her illness, but eventually she stopped taking them and walked out on her

family. The effect of her mental illness became too much to handle for her to live and be with

other people. Today she is in her 50’s and still lives on the streets. From time to time she gets

into contact with her older sister who in earlier years tried to get her help and off the streets, but

just like a lot of the homeless people she doesn’t want to be confined to the prison of society as

she puts it. Some people don’t even need to lose their jobs or suffer from mental health to end up

homeless. Sometimes it’s an act of nature that puts them out on the streets.

Natural disasters can be a major cause in people ending up homeless. In recent years

California has been the epicenter of wildfires. LA times posted an article in Aug 2020 about a

Northern California wildfire that destroyed “2000 structures”. That number of houses that were

destroyed have left over thousands of people left without a form of shelter. These fires are

nothing new in California, there is even a season dedicated to fires. With poor maintenance of

Powers4

forests and vegetation surrounding many homes, we’ve created the perfect environment for

wildfires to thrive. According to a study done by CoreLogic, about “roughly 35 million homes”

or one third of “our nation’s housing” are at potential risk of being destroyed by natural disaster

(Olick). Data from CoreLogic states that the “unexpected natural” occurrences puts every U.S.

citizen’s livelihood at a peril risk (Olick).

These are just a few of the major ways people can end up becoming homeless and it is up

to the country as a whole to try and help find ways to help people off the streets.

Powers5

Work Cited

Barile, John P., Anna S. Pruitt, and Josie L. Parker. “Identifying and understanding gaps in

services for adults experiencing homelessness.” Journal of Community & Applied Social

Psychology 30.3 (2020): 262-277.

Beard, Virginia, COVID-19: Poverty, Housing, Homelessness – A Broad View and a Picture

from West Michigan (May 28, 2020). Available at SSRN: https://ssrn.com/abstract=3613030 or

http://dx.doi.org/10.2139/ssrn.3613030

“California Firestorm Could Claim More than 3,000 Homes and Structures.” Los Angeles Times,

Los Angeles Times, 26 Aug. 2020,

www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-08-26/california-fires-burn-more-than-1-600-structures-

but-total-losses-could-top-3-000-officials-say.

Department, Published by Statista Research, and Mar 9. “U.S. Unemployment Level: Seasonally

Adjusted Number February 2021.” Statista, 9 Mar. 2021,

www.statista.com/statistics/193280/seasonally-adjusted-monthly-number-of-unemployed-person

s-in-the-usa/.

Flaming, Daniel, et al. “Locked Out: Unemployment and Homelessness in the COVID

Economy.” Available at SSRN 3765109 (2021).

Katz, Ira R. “Homelessness and premature mortality among veterans.” Psychiatric Services 64.7

(2013): 605-605.

https://ssrn.com/abstract=3613030

https://dx.doi.org/10.2139/ssrn.3613030

http://www.statista.com/statistics/193280/seasonally-adjusted-monthly-number-of-unemployed-persons-in-the-usa/

http://www.statista.com/statistics/193280/seasonally-adjusted-monthly-number-of-unemployed-persons-in-the-usa/

Powers6

Olick, Diana. “Nearly One-Third of U.S. Homes Are at High Risk of Natural Disaster, Study

Says.” CNBC, CNBC, 27 Jan. 2021,

www.cnbc.com/2021/01/27/nearly-one-third-us-homes-natural-disaster-high-risk-new-study-says

.html.

Padgett, Deborah K. “Homelessness, housing instability and mental health: making the

connections.” BJPsych bulletin 44.5 (2020): 197-201.

Raifman, Julia, Jacob Bor, and Atheendar Venkataramani. “Association between receipt of

unemployment insurance and food insecurity among people who lost employment during the

COVID-19 pandemic in the United States.” JAMA network open 4.1 (2021):

e2035884-e2035884.

Shinn, Marybeth. “Homelessness: What is a psychologist to do?.” American Journal of

Community Psychology 20.1 (1992): 1-24.

“What Is a Nonessential Employee?” Betterteam,

www.betterteam.com/what-is-a-nonessential-employee.

Atayde 1

Samantha Atayde

Professor Misaghi

ENGL 1 2022, 2036

21 March 2021

The world is filled with unjust problems that occur on a daily basis. It is honestly hard to

be able to determine which ones are more important, because it wouldn’t be right, all problems

are equally important. Some unjust acts are more common in certain areas than they are in

others. Although there are many problems in our world, the one problem that is imbedded within

our society that has always seemed the most unjust to me: racial profiling. For those who many

not know what racial profiling is, it’s honestly pretty simple, people (usually minorities) are

targets simply based on their race. Something as simple as one’s race can be cause for suspicion

on a crime being committed. Racial profiling comes from any and everyone, but the problem

with this comes when people are being racially profiled by people with power, people who we

are expected to have our best interests, those who we believe with protect us. Throughout our

history racial profiling has always existed, there is honestly no shortage, however within the last

decade there has been a huge uproar whenever police officers commit unthinkable acts due to

racial profiling. This is a major problem that has occurred in our past, continues to occur in our

present, and if we do nothing, it will continue to occur in our future community. Many do not see

the problem with this because it is not their category of people being targeted. They do not know

the fear the minorities live with daily, or the many different precautions that minorities have to

take in which they don’t. Now is the time to band together and come up with a solution to this

problem.

Atayde 2

In my community, racial profiling occurs on a daily basis and comes mostly from people

who have some sort of power, like the Los Angeles police department officers. I also want to

mention that although this occurs in my community, my community and I are not the only ones

that are affected by racial profiling, as it has also occurred in other cities and other states

showing it is a countrywide, and perhaps even a worldwide problem. This is not something that

has no evidence to back it up, there has been proof along with statistics to prove that Los

Angeles police officers are targeting minorities like Hispanics and African-Americans. However

while there has been evidence to prove what is going on, the evidence is usually quickly

dismissed or not even acknowledged. Along with all of the overwhelming evidence, there have

also been several, well known and trusted news outlets have also spoken out on the injustice

from the racial profiling being an issue with the Los Angeles Police Department as well as within

our country. The major issues with racial profiling is that innocent / the wrong people for

actually being accused of being “gang-affiliated”, innocent people are being murdered, and

guily people are getting away with breaking the law.

Like I have previously stated, there are many different problems that result from racial

profiling done by those with power. One incident that occurs most often is that certain people are

being targeted and pulled over more often. There were a few different short stories that were in

the article, about real life instances when this happened. After much research it was easy to be

able find a few articles with proof on this, as well as statistics. The very first one that came up on

the results was an article written by The Los Angeles Times. In short the article mentions that

people of color are more likely to be stopped by Los Angeles Police Officers. The article to a

quote directly from a Los Angeles Police Advisor stating that “they do not pull over people

based race” (“The Los Angeles Times, Poston, Chang.”) As you continue reading the articles the

Atayde 3

third story that is introduced is one of “Bryant Mangum.” Like most of the other short stories, he

was an African American man driving when he was suddenly and unexpectedly being pulled

over at gunpoint. The officers never gave him a real answer as to why he was even pulled over,

however that is not the interesting part. What jumps out at you is the fact that the officers were

“While one officer searched the car, the other asked whether he had guns or drugs, whether he

was in a gang and how he could afford a BMW. The officers are pretty much insinuating that

since he is an African American he could not possibly be able to afford a car as expensive as a

BMW. This is a perfect example of how they were racially profiling him.

While the article has many real life testimonials along with the experiences, it also comes

along with statistics of research experiments that have been conducted to see how often people

are targeted. Embedded within the first article lies another, written by Ben Poston and Cindy

Chang posted by The Los Angeles Times. With the acts violence occurring more and more often

within the Los Angeles area police officers decided to change their methods, and the results were

shocking. This led to about a 14 time increase in the amount of traffic stops in 2018 since 2014.

“65%, roughly about 31% of people, that were stopped during these incidents were Black

drivers, it was not only them 51% of stopped committed by Los Angeles Metro officers were

Black drivers. The article also kept track of whether or not there was contraband found in the

occupants car after being searched. To go along with this we found that blacks were 17.2% likely

to have contraband with them after being searched. People who are Latino we stopped 16.4%

higher than normal rates coming in with a similar percentage at 16.2% of contraband that was

found on them or in their vehicle. (The Los Angeles Times, Ben Poston) Lastly, probably to no

one’s surprise, white people were only stopped 5.1% higher than normal rates. If you take into

consideration that roughly 59,512 people were stopped only in the Los Angeles Police

Atayde 4

Department Metro Division, more than 50% of the people stopped we’re people of color. The

huge issue that stems from this is that police officers are so focused on certain groups of people

and expecting them to be the ones who will commit a crime that other groups, which are not

likely to actually be committing the crime get easily overlooked.

Works Cited:

Poston, Ben, and Cindy Chang. “LAPD Searches Blacks and Latinos More. But They’re

Less Likely to Have Contraband than Whites.” Los Angeles Times, Los Angeles Times, 8

Oct. 2019, www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-lapd-searches-20190605-story.html.

Poston, Ben, and Cindy Chang. “’Stop-and-Frisk in a Car:’ Elite LAPD Unit

Disproportionately Stopped Black Drivers, Data Show.” Los Angeles Times, Los Angeles

Times, 24 Jan. 2019,

www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-lapd-traffic-stops-20190124-story.html.

Pineda 1

David Pineda

Prof. Angelina Misaghi

English 1

March 12, 2021

Research Paper Draft

Playing under the brightest lights, crowd chanting, pressure at its highest, with games on

the line; this is why we watch college sports. It is undeniable that college sports take the whole

country by storm when their respected seasons come around. We eagerly wait around to see what

new talent is going to rise from the pack and become a household name. This repeats year after

year and we see these new waves of athletes each bringing something different to the sport. From

a fans perspective what else can we ask for? These athletes keep us at the edge of our seats and

once one wave of players has gone on to bigger and better things a new wave comes and

continues entertaining us. However, when the perspective changes to an athlete’s point of view

we begin to see it a little different.

As amazing as being a college level athlete might sound there are many

challenges and obstacles that they endure. For instance having a national spotlight as you try

your best as a 18 or 19 year old kid to make it from the amateurs to the pros. Perhaps it’s trying

to manage 6 hour a day of practice and the 10 hours a day of school related activities. But none

of these challenges compare to the biggest obstacle that these young athletes face. If you pay

close attention you can see that year after year these athletes are being exploited by the NCAA.

College athletes are being exploited by the NCAA; they are highly marketable players and never

Pineda 2

see the money that they generate. As wholesome as the NCAA can seem there is much going on

behind the scenes. The NCAA and the Universities are million dollar organizations and are

tasked with promoting and marketing these young athletes. Now it is sad to say but these young

athletes are getting the short end of the stick. The more popular these national events grow the

more that these students are robbed and it shows a real and unforgivable discrepancy.

The fact that the NCAA is exploiting these young athletes is clear. Although there are

many ways in which this is happening, I was able to find that there are two very distinctive ways

that they exploit these student athletes. One of the ways is by having these students train like

professional athletes and priorities their athletic careers over their academic ones. The other way

is the more obvious one and of course the most impactful, the financial exploitation of the

athletes.

How does having long days of training affect these young student athletes? So by

requiring long days of training and in some cases not giving them enough time in a day to deal

with their financial problems, like for example getting a job. These students tend to have an issue

with having a full energy draining day of training and still having to deal with their academics.

Now according to an article called “Student Athletes Say NCAA ‘Exploited’ Them in Antitrust

Trial” written by Helen Christophi, “Justine Hartman said she sometimes skipped classes

because she was too hungry and tired to concentrate following daily six-hour basketball

practices.” Now the NCAA likes for their student athletes to succeed because that means money

for the university but are they putting into consideration what the athletes need in order to

succeed academically and athletically? The answer is no. Another example from the same article

states, “We don’t have the means to excel at the highest level academically,” Hartman said. “We

go without a lot. There are many with similar experiences, where they’re hungry and too tired” to

Pineda 3

focus on academics.” Now we can see how this seems to be a recurring theme throughout the

student athletes and it’s taking a lot from the players who are not even getting paid to do all that

work. It forces us to reevaluate how these universities look at these young adults. Do they see

them as a tool that will generate them money or are they actually concerned about making sure

they excel academically and athletically? Now that we recognize the struggle these student

athletes go through on a daily basis, let’s see how they are being exploited financially.

The financial exploitation of these athletes is the biggest robbery of all time. We see how

hard these athletes are being trained, to the point where they don’t have energy for school. Now

imagine working that hard and not getting paid a single penny. According to an article called,

“Fiscal Year 2019 Division I Revenues and Expenses-Key Findings” by the NCAA, “The total

athletics revenue reported among all NCAA athletics departments in 2019 was $18.9 billion. Of

that amount, approximately $10.6 billion (56%) was generated by the athletics departments.” So

if we pay attention to the numbers 19 billion dollars are being made on the accounts of these

student athletes. They do receive athletic scholarships to waive their classes, and sometimes their

dorm and even food. Now there are billions of dollars that are being made off these students and

some of them can’t even afford to pay their rent or food. Everyone is getting paid well over $200

thousand a year and the ones who are actually going out there and putting in work have to be

eating a cup of noodles every night.

If the NCAA does not directly want to pay these student athletes it is alarming and just

straight up greedy. But another way that just continues to shock everyone is the fact that the

NCAA refuses to let these young athletes make profit of their own likeness or endorsement

deals. We can look at a specific case, now NBA All- Rookie 1st Team Lamelo Ball. Throughout

his highschool days it was a no brainer that this kid had what it took to become a NBA player.

Pineda 4

He declared to UCLA during his freshman year and became a nationally recognized celebrity.

However was declared ineligible by the NCAA because he came out with a signature shoe.

According to an article called “LaMelo Ball Reportedly Not Expected to Be Cleared by NCAA

Due to Signature Shoe” by Tyler Conway, “LaMelo Ball is not currently expected to be granted

eligibility after graduating high school because his Big Baller Brand signature shoe violated

NCAA rules on amateurism. The NCAA’s not going to clear (LaMelo) because he’s got a shoe

right now, a sneaker where he’s making money off of.” The fact that the NCAA will consider you

ineligible because you’re making money off your likeness is the final blow. They want to be able

to make billions of dollars off these athletes and will not allow them to make money of their own

likeness!

We see that the universities market their star athletes by having them up on billboards and

by selling their jersey. Now that we know that all those profits are going to either the university

or to the NCAA and not to the players, we see that there is a definite problem. It is clear that

something needs to be done by this, but what?

Pineda 5

Reference Page

Christophi, Helen. “Student Athletes Say NCAA ‘Exploited’ Them in Antitrust Trial.”

Courthouse News, 7 Sept. 2019,

www.courthousenews.com/student-athletes-say-ncaa-exploited-them-in-antitrust-t

rial.

“Fiscal Year 2019 Division I Revenues and Expenses — Key Findings.” NCAA,

www.ncaa.org/about/resources/research/finances-intercollegiate-athletics.

Accessed 5 Mar. 2021.

Conway, Tyler. “LaMelo Ball Reportedly Not Expected to Be Cleared by NCAA Due to

Signature Shoe.” Bleacher Report, 5 Dec. 2017,

bleacherreport.com/articles/2747813-lamelo-ball-reportedly-not-expected-to-be-cl

eared-by-ncaa-due-to-signature-shoe#:~:text=College%20Basketball-,LaMelo%2

0Ball%20Reportedly%20Not%20Expected%20to%20Be,NCAA%20Due%20to%

20Signature%20Shoe&text=LaMelo%20Ball%20is%20not%20currently,violates

%20NCAA%20rules%20on%20amateurism.