Annotations and Writing Plan Workshop
- Read through your peer’s post carefully attached below and then answer the following questions
In your own words, identify the argument of your peer’s persuasive essay. What are they aiming to prove?
Has your peer adequately addressed opposing viewpoints?
Which of the summaries (or which sections of the summaries) could use more clarification? How could your peer’s summaries be improved? Please paste an example and, if appropriate, offer your own edits.
Has your peer provided adequate credentialing information? If so, how can you tell the source is credible? If not, what could your peer add to note the reliability of the source?
Do the sources your peer describes in the annotated bibliography connect to their argument in a clear and easy-to-understand manner? If so, how so? If not, what are some ways in which your peer could strengthen those connections?
Does your peer acknowledge a counter-argument in one of the annotations? If a counterargument is presented, do they provide a persuasive rebuttal? If no counterargument is presented, can you anticipate some of the objections your peer should take into consideration?
Evaluate the sources your peer has selected. Which sources do you find to be the strongest? Why do you think they are strong, and how do they support your peer’s key points? Are there ways the sources could support those key points that your peer has overlooked? Be specific.
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4-5 Annotations and Writing Plan
– Thu Jan 30 21:11
Claire Knaus
Annotations:
Bekalu, M. A., McCloud, R. F., & Viswanath, K. (2019). Association of Social Media Use With Social Well-Being, Positive Mental Health, and Self-Rated Health: Disentangling Routine Use From Emotional Connection to Use. Health Education & Behavior, 46(2_suppl), 69S-80S.
https://doi.org/10.1177/1090198119863768
It seems that this source is arguing the effect of social media on mental health. This source uses this evidence to support the argument: Provided studies focusing on why individuals use social media, types of social network platforms, and the value of social capital. A counterargument for this source is: Studies that focus more on statistical usage rather than emotion connection. Personally, I believe the source is doing a good job of supporting its arguments because it provides an abundance of study references and clearly portrays the information and intent. I think this source will be very helpful in supporting my argument because of the focus on emotional connection to social media and its effects on mental health.
Matsakis, L. (2019). How Pro-Eating Disorder Posts Evade Filters on Social Media. In Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection. Farmington Hills, MI: Gale. (Reprinted from How Pro-Eating Disorder Posts Evade Filters on Social Media, Wired, 2018, June 13) Retrieved from
https://link-gale-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/apps/doc/UAZKKH366290962/OVIC?u=nhc_main&sid=OVIC&xid=2c90b7b5
It seems that this source is arguing that social media platforms are not doing enough to eliminate harmful pro-ED posts. This source uses this evidence to support the argument: Information about specific platforms and what they have done to moderate content, links for more information, and what constitutes as harmful content. A counterargument for this source is that it is too difficult for platforms to remove the content and to even find it. In addition, it is believed there may be harmful effects on vulnerable people posting this type of content. Personally, I believe the source is doing a good job of supporting its arguments because it provides opposing viewpoints as well as raising awareness of some of the dangers of social media posts. I think this source will be very helpful in supporting my argument because it provides information on specifically what is being done to moderate this type of content on social media, and what some of the difficulties in moderating are.
Investigators at University of Leeds Describe Findings in Eating Disorders (Pro-ana versus Pro-recovery: A Content Analytic Comparison of Social Media Users’ Communication about Eating Disorders on Twitter and Tumblr). (2017, September 4). Mental Health Weekly Digest, 38. Retrieved from
https://link-gale-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/apps/doc/A502914419/OVIC?u=nhc_main&sid=OVIC&xid=5e60152f
It seems that this source is arguing that there are more positive, anti-anorexia posts on social media than harmful, pro-ED content. This source uses this evidence to support the argument: Research findings on eating disorder-related communication online, and links for more and related information. A counterargument for this source is that not enough is being done to remove harmful content, regardless of the prevalence of helpful content. Personally, I believe the source is doing a good job of supporting its arguments because it provides results of an eating disorder-related research study. I think this source will be very helpful in supporting my argument because unlike my other sources, this one provides information stating that platforms are, in fact, making progress towards eliminating pro-ED content, and how that is being done.
Argument:
Excessive use of technology, especially social media, contributes to and causes mental illness, and pro-ED communities share toxic material, contributing to the prevalence of eating disorders. Pro-ED (pro-eating disorder) content on social media platforms should be moderated at a higher level and ensure that recommendation algorithms do not suggest further dangerous content to users. Online communities advocating eating disorders as a lifestyle post continue to post dangerous material although some platforms have banned certain hashtags associated with ED promotion (Matsakis, 2019). Platforms could employ trained moderators to recognize and remove harmful content and to provide helpful material to users searching this specific content. I am pursuing a degree in psychology with a focus in mental health, and I intend to work in a rehabilitation facility for patients with eating disorders, addiction and substance abuse, and any comorbid afflictions. As a technology native, I’m interested in researching the effects, harmful and beneficial, of social media on the mental health of adolescents and young adults. Social media has not been researched for enough time to know the long-term effects on mental health, and it is my goal to prove my hypothesis that excessive social media use can have a serious detrimental effect on an individual’s mental health. Eating disorders remain the most lethal of all mental illnesses, according to the National Eating Disorder Association (Jones & Brown, 2019), and it’s important to learn how to treat and prevent them.
Key Points:
1. Excessive social media use has detrimental effects on mental health in adolescents and teens. Pro-ED online communities exist, contributing to this and to eating disorders.
2. 2. Although platforms have taken action to ban certain hashtags, more could be done to moderate content. Users in these dangerous communities find ways to avoid keywords that are banned and continue to expose pro-ED material.
3. 3. Moderating social media use can benefit an individual’s mental health. The phenomenon of social media has created the fear of missing out and contributes to loneliness, as well as decreases overall well-being.
Audience:
Individuals with opposing viewpoints are my audience, so people either unaware of this kind of content or people who don’t view it as an issue. Ideally, the information will reach social media platform executives and persuade them to reform their content moderation systems, and in addition reach those using pro-ED communities and persuade them to stop using them. One potential challenge is the lack of information about mental illnesses, particularly on eating disorders. If the audience has no knowledge of the dangers of eating disorders and the effect of this kind of content online, they probably won’t have much of an interest in this topic. Another major challenge is users continuing to navigate around moderators, and figuring out how to eradicate negative content without disturbing pro-recovery, beneficial content.
Goal:
The purpose of writing this essay is to raise awareness of the importance of moderation of eating disorder content on social media platforms and social media’s involvement in mental illnesses. Not only is it important for this message to reach only social media platforms, however. This message, ideally, will reach parents and adolescents, resulting in communication and education on how to safely and positively use social media. In order to accomplish this goal, I plan to use statistics in order to prove the relevancy and severity of this issue to all readers. In addition, I plan to research effects on mental health surrounding technology and social media use in order to inform readers on how they can potentially modify their relationship with technology.
Potential Resources:
The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) and their website nationaleatingdisorders.org is a valuable resource for statistics and facts about all kinds of eating disorders, and makes available related scholarly articles.
Bekalu, M. A., McCloud, R. F., & Viswanath, K. (2019). Association of Social Media Use With Social Well-Being, Positive Mental Health, and Self-Rated Health: Disentangling Routine Use From Emotional Connection to Use. Health Education & Behavior, 46(2_suppl), 69S-80S. https://doi.org/10.1177/1090198119863768
In this article, multiple authors discuss positive and negative associations with social media and how gain a more positive benefit from it.
Instagram ‘Thinspo’ Ban Won’t Combat Pro-Eating Disorder Web Content. (2013, January 4). International Business Times [U.S. ed.]. Retrieved from
https://link-gale-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/apps/doc/A313889445/OVIC?u=nhc_main&sid=OVIC&xid=1ceb1fbd
This article contains detailed information about the types of posts created by pro-ED communities, platforms’ policies, and some of the more disturbing facts about what exists inside these communities.
Investigators at University of Leeds Describe Findings in Eating Disorders (Pro-ana versus Pro-recovery: A Content Analytic Comparison of Social Media Users’ Communication about Eating Disorders on Twitter and Tumblr). (2017, September 4). Mental Health Weekly Digest, 38. Retrieved from https://link-gale-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/apps/doc/A502914419/OVIC?u=nhc_main&sid=OVIC&xid=5e60152f
This article brings to light several communities on Tumblr and Twitter, such as pro-ana (pro-anorexia), thinspiration posts, anti-ana (anti-anorexia), and pro-recovery.
Jones, M., & Brown, T. (2019, September 3). Why Early Intervention for Eating Disorders is Essential. Retrieved from
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/blog/why-early-intervention-eating-disorders-essential
The above article was retrieved from the NEDA website. This article overviews the importance of treating eating disorders early, prevention, psychological screening, and information abating stigma.
Matsakis, L. (2019). How Pro-Eating Disorder Posts Evade Filters on Social Media. In Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection. Farmington Hills, MI: Gale. (Reprinted from How Pro-Eating Disorder Posts Evade Filters on Social Media, Wired, 2018, June 13) Retrieved from https://link-gale-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/apps/doc/UAZKKH366290962/OVIC?u=nhc_main&sid=OVIC&xid=2c90b7b5
In this article, Louise Matsakis discusses how social media platforms attempt to moderate pro-ED content by banning hashtags. Offered in this article are viewpoints supporting both sides of the argument.
Support:
In support of the first key point, that pro-ED communities contribute to mental health issues and eating disorders, the referenced article, “Investigators at University of Leeds Describe Findings in Eating Disorders” provides specific information about the types of pro-ED communities online. The article “Instagram ‘Thinspo’ Ban Won’t Combat Pro-Eating Disorder Web Content” contains more detailed information about what exists inside these communities. In support of the second key point, arguing that platforms have made small attempts but could do more to modify pro-ED content, the article by Matsakis (2019), as well as the first article mentioned from the University of Leeds. In support of the third key point and argument, that moderating use of social media can benefit mental health, I will use the article by Bekalu, McCloud, & Viswanath (2019) to discuss how to develop a positive relationship with social media. In addition, I will touch on the article by Jones & Brown from NEDA (2019) to compare how preventing eating disorders and social media moderation use are related.
Evidence:
Introducing the essay with statistics can help create shock value and entice the audience to read further. In support of my first key point and first paragraph, I will include information gathered from my research about specific online communities and what platforms have done to minimize the issue at hand. This information will be helpful in offering readers a foundational understanding of the current state of the issue. In addition, it will help me make the point that although moderation has occurred, harmful posts still remain. In support of my second key point, I will provide evidence gathered from my research to provide facts on specifically what type of moderation has taken place, platforms’ struggles in moderating, and opposing viewpoints. Including opposing viewpoints will effectively help me portray to the audience that although I am aware of this position, mine wins. In support of the third key point, I will include evidence about the correlation between mental health issues and excessive social media use. I believe this is the heart of the issue, and this information should help me convey to the audience that ultimately, beyond moderation online, disconnecting from social media is the easiest way to avoid harmful material.
Revision:
Large-scale revision, I personally believe, will be most beneficial to my persuasive essay. Last term, I struggled immensely with finding and supporting a main argument, writing confusing essays with chaotic information. For this persuasive essay, I plan to refine my argument to a concise sentence and specifically focus on supporting evidence for my key points. I plan to gather more research information, organize my research notes sectionally, highlight key supporting evidence, and translate that into my essay.
Feedback:
The feedback I received from my instructor offered me confidence of the direction in which my essay is taking. Having established a fairly clear argument, supporting evidence, and counterargument, I am assured that I will write a solid persuasive essay including evidence and incorporating all aspects of the assignment. Writing about this topic sparks passion in me, and the more information I gather, the more important I believe this topic is to public health. I plan to continue to gather information, organize and structure outlines, and focus on clear communication of my argument to the audience.
