I analyzed a student’s writing piece, scored it on a rubric and provided feedback to the writer. I reviewed ideas for revision for this particular student writer in Gr 1 during class, so I included the assignment and the teachers feedback from that assignment. 

For this assignment…

• Revisit the student’s writing, I scored, and my teachers feedback. (attached)
• Focus on one area for revision, keeping in mind that revision and editing are different as we discussed in class.
• Plan a mini-lesson, using the format shared in class: Architecture of a Mini-lesson (attached) 

Please message me if you have any questions!!

THE LESSON:

Teacher words in italics; actions in regular font.

THE ARCHITECTURE OF A MINI-LESSON

(From the Work of Teachers College Reading and Writing Project) PLANNING TEMPLATE

Teaching Point

Show Not Tell (descriptive writing)

TEKS Standard: ELA.1.11.B.ii

We can use our five senses to add interesting
details to our stories.

THE LESSON:

Teacher words in italics; actions in regular font.

CONNECT:

Students learn why
today’s instruction is
important to them as
writers and how the lesson
relates to their prior work.
The teaching point is
stated.

What the teacher will say and do:

Time for writing workshop! Please come to the carpet with your
writer’s notebook and pencil in your lap. I am so excited about
the story I want to share with you today. I was thinking about it
all morning! Remember that yesterday, when we got back from
our amazing field trip to the orchard, we did some free-writing in
our Writers’s Notebooks? I reread mine this morning and I think
I must have been tired. I’m not sure it really shows my readers
what a great day it was. See what you think.

(Open notebook, take a deep breath and read…) They had fun. It
was a nice day. They were tired.

Well, what do you think? Was my story amazing? Will the
audience be able to picture how special our field trip was?

I think some of your pieces might be similar. Everyone take a
minute to open your notebooks and read what you wrote
yesterday about our field trip.

(Wait as children read)

TEACH:

The teacher shows the
students how writers go
about doing whatever is
being taught. We may
teach by demonstrating
(modeling how and when

What teacher will say and what the students will do:

Ladies and gentlemen, my sentences were just telling sentences.
They didn’t show you what was happening. They didn’t make you
feel like you were there. In fact, you didn’t even know who was
having fun and what were they doing, did you? Do any of you

https://teksguide.org/

writers use this strategy or
concept in their work
rather than simply telling
what writers do);
explaining and showing an
example; involving the
class in a shared inquiry;
or taking them through
guided practice.

have those kinds of sentences in your notebooks? Nod your head
if you do, shake your head if you don’t.

How could I help my audience to get an idea of how amazing
that trip was? How could I help them feel like they were there
with us? Ideas? (Prompt and lead about our unit of study in

science on the 5 Senses until someone guesses correctly; if not,
tell them. Show them the anchor chart for science on the easel.

We could use details that show our readers what we saw,
smelled, tasted, felt, and heard while we were at the orchard.

Let me show you one of my favorite pictures (my dog as a
puppy). Here is a telling sentence: The puppy is cute. I think I
can do a better job of SHOWING you how he is cute with 5
senses. (Mimic thinking to self). Hmmm… The puppy stared at
me with his, brown eyes (point to the sight icon). He whimpered
for attention (point to hearing). I petted his fluffy, spring hair.
(point to touch).

Those were showing sentences!

ACTIVE
ENGAGEMENT:

After we teach something,
students are given a
chance to quickly practice
what has just been taught
or to share ideas about the
demonstration in order to
understand a kind of
thinking about writing that

What teacher will say and what the students will do:

Please take out the 5 senses card that is tucked in your notebook.
Surprise! I put that there this morning for this lesson. We are
going to use the card right now to see if you can recognize
SHOWING senses. I am going to read 5 sentences to you. If it is
a telling sentence, I want you to hold your card up in the air
when I could down (3-2-1) with your finger touching which sense
I am using in my sentence. If it is just a plain telling sentence,
just do nothing. Keep your card in your lap until I count down.
Here we go:

1) They had lots of pumpkins at the orchard. (telling)

they can try in their own
work.

2) There were piles and piles of orange pumpkins on the big
hill. (showing/ sight)

3) The cool, sweet tart cider tickled my throat.
(showing/taste)

4) We were tired on the bus trip back to school. (telling)
5) You could hear snoring all over the bus on our way back

to school. (showing/hearing)

See how much better those showing sentences were? I want you
to practice showing others how awesome our field trip was. Take
a minute to study these (flip the chart paper to a page with color
photos of the field trip)

Now turn and talk to your shoulder partner about our field trip.
SHOW them what is happening in some of these photos. You have
two minutes to bounce ideas about our trip back and forth. Then,
when you face forward again, we are going to share a few of our
excellent ideas. (Students turn and talk; teacher walks around and
supports while jotting down a few exemplars in her notebook )

Alright! Time is up! I heard some fabulous showing sentences.
Let me highlight a few. (Share 3-4 from the students)

LINK:

The teacher reiterates
what has just been taught,
adding it to the students’
growing repertoire.
Students are reminded that
today’s lesson pertains not
only to today, but to every
day and to strengthen their
writing for the specific
unit inquiry.

What the teacher will say:

Whew! You all really know how to tune in to your 5 senses!
Today as you write, I hope many of you will choose to work on a
field trip story. I want you to show, not tell your reader what our
field trip to the orchard was like. You can keep the 5 senses card
to help you. Use as many details from your five senses as
possible so you paint a picture in the reader’s mind.

Analysis of Student Writing: Scoring and Feedback Form

Refer to the rubric on next page as needed. Fill out the chart with the student’s grade level, a score for each feature, and an explanation for the score.

Rubric Score and Rationale

Grade level of student sample: 1st grade

FEATURE: SCORE: BRIEF EXPLANATION: (bulleted list)

IDEAS
3  Uses some descriptive language

 Details generally support main idea
 Communicates some interesting ideas

ORGANIZATION
3  Sequencing is attempted

 Evidence of logical sequencing
 Somewhat interesting hook and conclusion

EXPRESSION
3  Basic sentence structure

 Uses sentence variety at times
 Expresses voice at times

CONVENTIONS
2  Difficulty with grammar, spelling, capitalization, punctuation

LEGIBILITY
3  Readable with some spacing/formation errors

Feedback for the Writer:

Compliment 1:

I love how the beginning starts on your paper.

Compliment 2:

Great job having a clear focus on the main idea of your story.

Editing:
Punctuations throughout story &
Spelling errors: Bares, dares, kost, alls.

Revision:
Fix punctuations and spelling errors.

Jennifer Green
Right – and give the child the correct spelling so he can edit on his final draft. Kids this age can’t look it up in a dictionary and unless the words are on a word wall, the child won’t understand it is “bears,” not bares.

Jennifer Green
That is editing – what is the revision tip? How could it be improved for expression?

Jennifer Green
That’s a nice compliment.

Jennifer Green
The beginning sentence or the title? I’m okay with complimenting the title because that is good awareness of author’s purpose for a little one. However, the first sentence ‘Me and my dad hunt for bears and deers” isn’t necessarily strong.

Jennifer Green
example?

Jennifer Green
such as…? Share a detail or two.

Jennifer Green
Not sure there is a sequence of events here. I don’t see more than a topic sentence and then one event (he cuts them) – then it goes back to the topic sentence again, like a closing.

Basic Writing Rubric

Feature 4: Strong 3: Developing 2: Emerging 1: Beginning

Ideas  Establishes a clear focus start
to finish

 Uses descriptive language to
paint a picture

 Provides relevant, interesting
information

 Communicates creative ideas
to support topic

 Develops a focus, but deviates
at times

 Uses some descriptive
language

 Details generally support main
idea

 Communicates some
interesting ideas

 Attempts focus
 Ideas not fully developed

 Lacks focus and
development

Organization  Establishes a strong
beginning, middle, and end

 Demonstrates an orderly
flow of ideas

 Strong hook and satisfying
conclusion

 Uses multiple
developmentally appropriate
transitions

 Attempts an introduction and
ending

 Evidence of logical sequencing
 Somewhat interesting hook and

conclusion
 Uses occasional transitions

 Some evidence of a beginning,
middle, and end

 Sequencing is attempted
 Lacks interesting hook,

conclusion, and transitions

 Little or no organization
 Relies on single idea

Expression  Uses effective language
 Uses high-level vocabulary
 Uses sentence variety

throughout
 Expresses his/her unique

voice throughout

 Chooses diverse words at times
 Uses descriptive words
 Uses sentence variety at times
 Expresses voice at times

 Limited word choice
 Basic sentence structure
 Little to no evidence of voice

 No sense of sentence
structure

Conventions  Few or no errors in
grammar, spelling,
capitalization, punctuation

 Some errors in grammar,
spelling, capitalization,
punctuation

 Difficulty with grammar,
spelling, capitalization,
punctuation

 Little or no evidence of
correct grammar, spelling,
capitalization or
punctuation

Legibility  Easy to read
 Properly spaced
 Proper letter formation

 Readable with some
spacing/formation errors

 Difficult to read due to spacing/
letter formation

 No evidence of
spacing/proper letter
formation

Modified from Cox, Janelle. “Writing Rubrics.” ThoughtCo, Feb. 19, 2020, thoughtco.com/writing-rubric-2081370.