3.5-4 pages of content

no cover sheet

MLA format

directions attached

hw post (directions)

lesson 5 (powerpoint to homework)

lesson 6 (next lesson

lesson 4 (previous lesson)

Homework Post 5: Reality Acceptance

Skill Practice Reflection: Reflect on a time this week where you practiced using reality acceptance outside of class this past week. Include a response to the following prompts for a total of about 1 page double spaced.

·

Describe how you practiced using reality acceptance this week. Were you able to effectively use the skill? How did it change how you felt about the situation? Did it change the outcome at all?

· Complete a WOOP you have to use more reality acceptance skills using the following four prompts. Remember to include all four parts of the WOOP, putting particular focus on naming an internal obstacle and an if/then statement for your plan.

· WISH: What is something you wish to change in your future in terms of your ability to use reality acceptance skills? This change can be longer term, but make sure to then also identify something for within the next 4 weeks.

· OUTCOME: What would a specific outcome be if you were to live out the above wish?

· OBSTACLE: What is an obstacle that has kept/will keep you from using reality acceptance? Name at least one internal barrier and one external barrier.

· PLAN: What are your plans for overcoming these obstacles and barriers to use the reality acceptance skills? Make sure to include an if/then statement (i.e. If you face “obstacle x”, then you will do …) and then expand on how you will ensure you stick with that plan. Include specific steps!

Class Activity Reflection: Reflect on the practice you did in class of having to make the opposite arguments for a topic you’re really passionate about. Your response for this section should be about 1 page double spaced and should answer the following questions.

· What thoughts or reactions did you notice initially having to this activity? What did you do to counteraction those thoughts and reactions so you could do the activity effectively?

· During the activity, did you notice urges to revert to making the argument you would typically make? If so, what did you do to be able to continue going with the practice effectively when you had those urges?

· Where in your life would it be helpful to apply this same practice?

·

Gratitude Practice: Write a half a page about an experience in your life you’re proud of or grateful for.

Lecture + Reading Reflection: Reflect on the previous lecture and the assigned readings for next week and the associated videos. Respond to the following prompts in a half page.

· What is one thing that resonated with you class on Wednesday, particularly from the lecture material? What do you still have questions about (if anything)?

· Identify one way you can see the content in the readings helping you going forward.

GRADING STANDARDS

Your post is worth a possible 10 points. To receive the full 10 points for this post, you must respond to all four sections of reflection and address all prompts fully, totaling around 3-4 double-spaced pages. Be honest; part of the goal of these posts is to have an opportunity to receive feedback and support from the TAs, who have experience with using these skills and coaching on the use of them. Your grade is NOT based on how “well” you used the skills, but rather on how much we can see you reflected on the skills/content and have thought about how it applies to your life. Incomplete or late responses will be docked points.

Homework Post
5
:
Reality Accept
a
nce

Skill Practice Reflection:

Reflect on a time this week where you practiced using
reality acceptance
outside of class this past week. Include a response to the following prompts for a total of about 1 page
double spaced.

·

Describe how you practiced using
reality acceptance

this week. Were you able to
effectively use
the skill? How did it change how you felt about the situation? Did it change the outcome at all?

·

Complete a WOOP you have to use more
reality acceptance skills

using the following four
prompts. Remember to include all four parts of t
he WOOP, putting particular focus on naming
an internal obstacle and an if/then statement for your plan.

·

WISH: What is something you wish to change in your future in terms of your
abil
ity to use reality
acceptance skills
? This change can be longer term, but

make sure to then also identify
something for within the next 4 weeks.

·

OUTCOME: What would a specific outcome be if you were to live out the above wish?

·

OBSTACLE: What is an obstacle that has kept/will keep you from using
reality acceptance
? Name
at least one internal barrier and one external barrier.

·

PLAN: What are your plans for overcoming these obstacles and barriers to use the
reality
acceptan
ce

skills? Make sure to include an if/then statement (i.e. If you face ”
obstacle x”, then
you will do …) and then expand on how you will ensure you stick with that plan. Include specific
steps!

Class Activity

Reflection:

Reflect on
the practice you did
in class of having to
make the opposite
arguments

for a topic you
’
re really passionate about
.

Your response for this section should be about 1
page double spaced

and should answer the following questions
.

·

What thoughts or reactio
ns did you
notice initially having to this
activity
? What did you do to
counteraction those thoughts and reactions so you could do the
activity
effectively?

·

During the activity,
d
id you notice urges to revert to making the
argument

you would typically
make? If so,
what did you do to be able to continue going with the practice effectively
when you
had
those urges
?

·

Where in your life would
it be h
elpful to apply this same practice?

·

Gratitude Practice:

Write a half a page about
an e
xperience in your life

you’re proud of or grateful for.

Lecture + Reading Reflection:

Reflect on the p
revious lecture and the assigned readings for next week
and the associated videos. Respond to the following prompts in a half page.

·

What is one thing that resonated with you class on Wednesday, particularly from the lecture
material? What do you still hav
e questions about (if anything)?

·

Identify one way you can see the content in the readings helping you going forward.

GRADING STANDARDS

Your post is worth a possible 10 points. To receive the full 10 points for this post, you must respond to
all four secti
ons of reflection and address all prompts fully, totaling around 3
–
4 double
–
spaced pages. Be
honest; part of the goal of these posts is to have an opportunity to receive feedback and support from
the TAs, who have experience with using these skills and coa
ching on the use of them. Your grade is NOT
based on how “well” you used the skills, but rather on how much we can see you reflected on the
Homework Post 5: Reality Acceptance

Skill Practice Reflection: Reflect on a time this week where you practiced using reality acceptance
outside of class this past week. Include a response to the following prompts for a total of about 1 page
double spaced.
 Describe how you practiced using reality acceptance this week. Were you able to effectively use
the skill? How did it change how you felt about the situation? Did it change the outcome at all?
 Complete a WOOP you have to use more reality acceptance skills using the following four
prompts. Remember to include all four parts of the WOOP, putting particular focus on naming
an internal obstacle and an if/then statement for your plan.
 WISH: What is something you wish to change in your future in terms of your ability to use reality
acceptance skills? This change can be longer term, but make sure to then also identify
something for within the next 4 weeks.
 OUTCOME: What would a specific outcome be if you were to live out the above wish?
 OBSTACLE: What is an obstacle that has kept/will keep you from using reality acceptance? Name
at least one internal barrier and one external barrier.
 PLAN: What are your plans for overcoming these obstacles and barriers to use the reality
acceptance skills? Make sure to include an if/then statement (i.e. If you face “obstacle x”, then
you will do …) and then expand on how you will ensure you stick with that plan. Include specific
steps!

Class Activity Reflection: Reflect on the practice you did in class of having to make the opposite
arguments for a topic you’re really passionate about. Your response for this section should be about 1
page double spaced and should answer the following questions.
 What thoughts or reactions did you notice initially having to this activity? What did you do to
counteraction those thoughts and reactions so you could do the activity effectively?
 During the activity, did you notice urges to revert to making the argument you would typically
make? If so, what did you do to be able to continue going with the practice effectively when you
had those urges?
 Where in your life would it be helpful to apply this same practice?


Gratitude Practice: Write a half a page about an experience in your life you’re proud of or grateful for.

Lecture + Reading Reflection: Reflect on the previous lecture and the assigned readings for next week
and the associated videos. Respond to the following prompts in a half page.
 What is one thing that resonated with you class on Wednesday, particularly from the lecture
material? What do you still have questions about (if anything)?
 Identify one way you can see the content in the readings helping you going forward.

GRADING STANDARDS
Your post is worth a possible 10 points. To receive the full 10 points for this post, you must respond to
all four sections of reflection and address all prompts fully, totaling around 3-4 double-spaced pages. Be
honest; part of the goal of these posts is to have an opportunity to receive feedback and support from
the TAs, who have experience with using these skills and coaching on the use of them. Your grade is NOT
based on how “well” you used the skills, but rather on how much we can see you reflected on the

Sit in Your Groups

While you wait – Practice those handshakes. We’re going to demo today!

INSTRUCTOR NOTE: Play music of your choice for about 5 minutes before class begins. We typically choose something upbeat and uplifting.
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XXX

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Questions

Mindfulness Activity
Observe & Describe
Breathing in WISE

Breathing out MIND

Today, we are going to do a mindfulness activity that has us practicing getting into wise mind. It is going to be an observe and describe exercise. Ask the students what type of skills are “observe and describe?” Answer: they are “what” skills which can only be done one at a time.

So, when I tell you to start the exercise: we are going observe our breath. In doing so, we are going to say the word “wise” in our minds (not out loud) on the inhale and “mind” on the exhale. Just your normal regular breathing pattern. Breathing in “wise” on the inhale and “mind” on the exhale. If you notice you are distract or are no longer focusing on the exercise – notice it and return to the exercise.
Ok, Step 1: get in your mindfulness position (computer laptops closed, phones put away, books closed)
Step 2: take a nice deep breath
Step 3: begin the exercise of breathing in WISE and breathing out MIND
Do this exercise for 2:00 minutes – then debrief it by asking students to describe what they observed – praising descriptions that are based on facts, and highlighting others that are based on judgment.
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Reality Acceptance
Lesson 5

(DeCano & Cook, 2015)

—
Will talk about things you can actively do to seek out connection and support
6

Summary of Previous Lesson
Habits are the automatic behaviors we exhibit after a cue.
Our emotions are a part of who we are. They range from typical to impairing
Emotional dysregulation – the inability to control or regulate ones emotional responses and behavior in response to certain situations
Amygdala Hijack – when our emotions overtake our decision-making abilities (EMOTION MIND takes over)

Summary of Previous Lesson
For Emotional Dysregulation – use Distress Tolerance – Crisis Survival Skills
These are not problem-solving skills – they are don’t make it worse skills
TIPP
Distract with ACCEPTS
IMPROVE the moment
Pros & Cons
Willpower – the ability to control our attention, emotions and impulses (desires) in pursuit of something that isn’t immediately attainable. Or act in a way that furthers our goals, even when doing something else seems immediately more appealing

Learning Objectives
After completing this lesson, you will be able to:
Understand the importance of accepting reality even during difficult times
Use the skills of turning the mind and willingness
Distinguish between the two types of distress tolerance skills

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Lesson #5: Glossary Terms
Distress Tolerance: Reality Acceptance
Willfulness The mindset or thoughts that things should be different and the inability to accept reality as it is. This includes thoughts of could of, should of, and would of.
Willingness The mindset or thoughts that the situation is what it is. The ability to accept reality as it truly is. That this situation is in the past and history is not going to change.

Participation Week 5 Part 1
What is something in your life right now that is hard to accept?

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Distress Tolerance Skills

Important to highlight that reality acceptance skills does not mean approval. One can accept that they failed a test, they lost a game – it doesn’t mean they approval of it.
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Do not reproduce or distribute without written permission.© Mazza Consulting, 2018

Acceptance vs. Change
Acceptance
Validation

Dialectic or Balance of Life
Distress Tolerance
Crisis Survival (last week)
Reality Acceptance
Change Skills
Change
Problem-Solving
Where does it fit?

Most of the skills we learn also fall into one of two categories: acceptance skills .or change skills. These skills come from Dialectic Behavior Therapy or DBT (Linehan, 1993; 2015).
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Overview of Reality Acceptance Skills
Radical Acceptance
Turning the Mind

Willingness
Mindfulness of Current Thoughts

Why bother
Rejecting reality does not change reality
Changing reality requires first accepting reality
Rejecting reality turns pain into suffering
Refusing to accept reality can keep you stuck in unhappiness, anger, shame, bitterness or other painful emotions.

Provide any local or personal examples to help students under the difference between rejecting vs accepting reality
In Pittsburgh is cold in January – So wishing it was 70 degrees in the middle of January and expecting it to be that way – only increases the suffering that it is cold. Accepting reality doesn’t change that fact that you may not like the cold, it helps provide the mindset that it will be cold in January, so its more likely to match your expectations, which reduces suffering.
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Steps by Step for Radical Acceptance
10 Ideas for Radical Acceptance
1. Observe you are questioning or fighting reality – it shouldn’t be this way
2. Remind yourself that the unpleasant reality is just as it is and cannot be changed
3. Remind yourself that there are causes for the reality
4. Practice accepting with the whole self
5. Practice opposite action** (this skill is lesson 9)
6. Cope ahead with events that seem unacceptable
7. Attend to your body’s sensations
8. Allow disappointment, sadness, or grief to arise within you
9. Acknowledge that life can be worth living, even when there is pain
10. Do pros and cons

Go through the list of 10 different ideas in helping to achieve Radical Acceptance
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Accepting Reality Skills

This skill is the pathway in how to get to radical acceptance
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Do not reproduce or distribute without written permission.© Mazza Consulting, 2018

Turning the Mind – Accepting Reality Skill
ACCEPTANCE – is a choice. It is like coming to a “fork in the road.” You may have to turn your mind towards the “ACCEPTANCE road” and away from the “REJECTING reality road.”

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Turning the Mind – Accepting Reality Skill
STEPS to Turning the Mind.
Notice when you are not accepting (anger, bitterness, “why me”).
Make an inner commitment to accept.
You may have to turn your mind over and over and again.

Turning the mind is all about accepting the reality you’re in rather than focusing on wishing it wasn’t the reality. Sometimes in life there are situations we don’t like and we don’t have the power to change them right now. We can choose to focus our energy on being unhappy about the situation or we can accept that this is where we’re at and thereby free up that negative energy for other purposes.
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Why Bother Using Turning the Mind
Pain is inevitable

Suffering is optional – pouring gas on the emotional fire

Reason for this slide is to help students understand that pain is going to happen in their lives. Its important to highlight to them that suffering exacerbates and prolongs the pain. So the idea is to use our mindfulness skills to be aware to put the gas can down and not make the situation worse. Thus, accepting reality skills help us experience the pain as it is, without making it worse.
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Turning the Mind
Accepting reality means Turning the Mind to acceptance:
Willfulness = Acceptance
a. fuels emotion dysregulation
Willingness = Acceptance
a. acceptance = approval
b. it limits emotional fuel

This doesn’t mean we’re ignoring or agreeing with what is happening/how we’re feeling. Rather we’re ACCEPTING that it is real in this moment and we can’t change it!
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Turning the Mind – Accepting Reality Skill
Willfulness is refusing to tolerate a situation or giving up
Willfulness is trying to change a situation that cannot changed, or refusing to change something that must be changed
Willfulness is “the terrible twos” – “no…no…no…”.
Willfulness is the opposite of “DOING WHAT WORKS.”
WILLFULNESS:

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Turning the Mind – Accepting Reality Skill
Willingness is allowing the world to be what it is and participating in it fully.
Willingness is doing just what is
needed – no more, no less. It is being
effective.
Willingness is listening carefully to
your Wise Mind and deciding what to
do.
When willfulness doesn’t budge, ask: “What is the threat?”
Replace Willfulness with willingness

The difference between Willfulness vs Willingness
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Factors that interfere with acceptance
Beliefs get in the way: You believe that if you accept your painful situation, you will become weak and just give up, approve of reality or accept a life of pain

Emotions get in way: Intense anger at the person or group that caused the painful event; unbearable sadness, guilt about your own behavior; shame regarding something about you; rage about the injustice of the world

Jealousy
Jerk
Dumbass
Idiot
Reality Acceptance Skill –
Mindfulness of Current Thought

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Do not reproduce or distribute without written permission.© Mazza Consulting, 2018

Why bother with Mindfulness of Current Thought
Pain is inevitable

You are not your thoughts – believing your thoughts increases suffering

Putting your thoughts on a conveyer belt and watch them go by.
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Step by Step Mindfulness of Current Thought
Observe your thoughts
Observe them as a wave.
Do not suppress thoughts.
Do not judge them.
Practice willingness.
Step back and observe your thoughts.

Different component steps of Mindfulness of Current Thought. Observe youth thoughts
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Step by step Mindfulness of Current Thought (cont)
2. Adopt a curious mind
Ask: where do my thoughts come from?
Notice that every thought comes and also goes out of your mind.
Observe but do not evaluate your thoughts. Let go of judgement.

Different component steps of Mindfulness of Current Thought. Curious Mind
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Step by step Mindfulness of Current Thought (cont)
3. Remember: You are not your Thoughts
Do not necessarily act on your thoughts.
Remember times when you had different thoughts.
Remember how you think when you are not feeling such intense emotions.

Different component steps of Mindfulness of Current Thought. Remember – you are not your thoughts
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Step by step Mindfulness of Current Thought (cont)
4. Don’t block or suppress thoughts.
Step back, and allow your thoughts to come and go.
Repeat your thoughts out loud or sing them.
Try loving your thoughts.

Different component steps of Mindfulness of Current Thought. Don’t block or suppress your thoughts.
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Summary of this Lesson
Distress tolerance skills help us avoid decisions that will likely make things worse, and are used to accept reality for what is really is
When you cannot change the situation, the problem cannot be solved, then use reality accepting skills
The skill of radical acceptance – helps us to see things as they really are and reduces our suffering
The skill of turning the mind – is used to help us refocus on what truly happened, moving away from willfulness to willingness
Finally, the skill of mindfulness of current thought helps us separate our thoughts from who we really are and that we can simply have thoughts, notice them, and watch them go by – you are not your thoughts

To summarize, there are 5 main take-away messages from this lesson.
Distress tolerance skills – don’t make things worse skills
Accepting reality skills are for the long-term, when the problem cannot be solved. We use these skills to avoid making things worse and to reduce our suffering.
Radical acceptance – helps reduce suffering
Turning the Mind – moving away from willfulness (would of, could of, and should of) toward willingness
Mindfulness of current thought – net letting our thoughts define who we are and our behavior/emotions. This process is called cognitive defusion and the skill of mindfulness of current thought helps us reach cogntive defusion
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Participation Week 5 Part 2
How are you going to enact more willingness in your life over the next week?

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Mindfulness Activity
Observe and Describe
Counting your breath up to 10

Similar to our beginning class mindfulness exercise – we are going to do an observe and describe exercise. This time, we are going to count 1 on the inhale and 2 on the exhale, then 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale until we get to 10. Once you reach 10, then start over again at 1. Are there any questions before we begin?
Ok, Step 1: get in your mindfulness position (computer laptops closed, phones put away, books closed)
Step 2: take a nice deep breath
Step 3: begin the exercise of counting you breath.
Do this exercise for 2:00 minutes – then debrief it by asking students to describe what they observed – praising descriptions that are based on facts, and highlighting others that are based on judgment.
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Activity for Lesson #5
Identify a topic you are really passionate about
Political party affiliation
Sports team
Climate change
Now take the opposite side (rival) and make a case for the opposite side of what you believe.

Walk around the room coaching students who are making the argument opposite of their belief. In walking around, try to keep the students in Wise Mind.
Make sure each student in the pair gets to do the activity, so have partners switch roles after about 10 minutes
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Group Discussions
How did this practice go for you?
What did you find hard?
Where in your life would this be helpful?

Discuss at table groups about the activity. Then have each group share out key points to the whole class.
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Handshake Demos

Sit in Your Groups

While you wait – What are you doing to keep yourself feeling well during midterms?

INSTRUCTOR NOTE: Play music of your choice for about 5 minutes before class begins. We typically choose something upbeat and uplifting.
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Questions

Stone flake on the lake. Imagine that you are by a clear blue lake on a beautiful sunny day. Then imagine that you are a small flake of stone, flat and light. Imagine that you have been tossed out onto the lake and are now gently, slowly, floating through the calm, clear blue water to the lake’s smooth, sandy bottom.
Notice what you see, what you feel as you float down, perhaps in slow circles, floating towards the bottom. As you reach the bottom of the lake, settle your attention there within yourself.
Mindfulness Exercise: Observe

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Choosing Attention and Practicing Gratitude
Lesson 6

5

(DeCano & Cook, 2015)

Last week we learned about distress tolerance crisis survival skills and willpower skills, which are APT resources.
Today we’re going to learn the other half of the distress tolerance skills
This week we’re also going to talk about some strategies for cultivating positive emotions

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Summary of the Previous Lesson
Distress tolerance skills help us avoid decisions that will likely make things worse, and are used to accept reality for what is really is
When you cannot change the situation, the problem cannot be solved, then use reality accepting skills
The skill of radical acceptance – helps us to see things as they really are and reduces our suffering
The skill of turning the mind – is used to help us refocus on what truly happened, moving away from willfulness to willingness
Finally, the skill of mindfulness of current thought helps us separate our thoughts from who we really are and that we can simply have thoughts, notice them, and watch them go by – you are not your thoughts (cognitive defusion)

—-

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Learning Objectives
After completing this lesson, you will be able to:
Explain what we pay attention to impacts how we feel and behave
Describe our natural tendency to selectively focus more on negative and bad aspects of life more than the positive and good
Explain how we have the power to intentionally choose to pay attention to more positive aspects of situations

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Learning Objectives
After completing this lesson, you will be able to:
Search and find positive characteristics in others and the silver lining in even the most challenging situations
Practice specific gratitude exercises that have been shown by research to produce a number of beneficial outcomes

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Lesson 6: Glossary Terms
Lesson 6 Choosing your Attention and Practicing Gratitude
The Cocktail Party Effect (Selective Attention) Selective attention is defined as “the ability to maintain a cognitive set in the presence of background ‘noise’ or distraction” (Baron, 2004, p. 222).
Negative Confirmation Bias Seeing others or situations through a negative lens and failing to pay attention to the positive (e.g., tunnel or monocular vision).
Gratitude
Silver Lining A sign of hope in an unfortunate or gloomy situation.; a bright prospect. If you talk about a silver lining, you are talking about something positive that comes out of a sad or unpleasant situation.
Self-fulfilling Prophecy The process by which our expectations of another person impact the other person’s behavior in such a way s/he behaves in a way that confirms the expectations
Awe in the present moment Awe, defined as “the feeling of being in the presence of something vast and greater than the self, that exceeds current knowledge structures” (Keltner & Haidt, 2003).

Participation Wk 6 Part 1
Share an example of a time you focused on the negatives in a situation that you later realized was positive.
For example – focusing on the one question you missed on a test rather than on a good overall score.

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Nature of our thoughts
20,000 = the average number of thoughts people have per day.
The majority of people spend more time attending to the negative.

Call out – how many thoughts do you think people have each day?

Psychologists have tracked the average number of thoughts people have a day and the results indicate that 20,000 is the average number of thoughts people have each day. The majority of thoughts people have are neutral, meaning they have no positive or negative valence to them. However, when considering the ratio of negative to positive thoughts, findings indicate that people tend to have 5 negative thoughts for every one positive thought.
The single most powerful way to reshape your brain and thus your mind is to develop greater control of what you pay attention to. This is a relatively simple idea to understand but a rather challenging practice to apply in one’s life because it requires both awareness and effort. Once we learn we have the power to choose to pay more attention to the positive aspects of our lives, the application of this practice becomes easier.
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Sensation and Perception
Sensation: your window to the world through your senses

Perception: interpreting what comes into your window

Let’s break down more of how our attention, and thus our thoughts, actually work.
Sensation refers to the process of sensing our environment through touch, taste, sight, sound, and smell.  This information is sent to our brains in raw form where perception comes into play.  Perception is the way we interpret these sensations and therefore make sense of our experiences.   The goal of sensation is detection, the goal of perception is to organize and give meaning to what we are experiencing. Not all sensory input are perceived and interpreted. Attention is what draws our focus on certain portions of our experience versus others. It just so happens that attention plays a critical role in how we feel and behave and determines in large part whether we are resilient or not.
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What Is Attention?
Attention is that which takes possession of the mind.
Stated differently, attention is the focal point of our consciousness. It is like a spotlight that illuminates things in your mind.

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Defined as that which takes possession of the mind. Stated differently, attention is the focal point of our consciousness. It is like a spotlight that illuminates things in your mind. Various stimuli that strike the senses at any given moment, as well as memories of the past, thoughts & feelings about current circumstances, projections into the future can occupy the focus of our attention.
Attention allows us to “tune out” other information, which allows us to ignore other sensations and so we can actually focus our energy on the information that seems most interesting and important.
Humans have a limited capacity for attention which limits the amount of information processed at any particular time. Thus, it is important to understand what naturally captivates our attention and how can we use our attention to feel and behave better.

The Cocktail Party Effect
Selective attention: selectively concentrating on one thing while ignoring other things

The cocktail party effect is the phenomenon of being able to focus one’s attention on a particular conversation or image while filtering out all other stimuli, much the same way that a person at a cocktail party can focus on a single conversation in a noisy room with several other conversations going on simultaneously. This effect is what allows most people to “tune into” a single voice and “tune out” all others.
This effect is now referred to as selective attention. Selective attention is robust concept in that it shows up across all ages. Starting with infancy, newborns begin to turn their heads toward a sound that is familiar to them, such as their parents’ voices, while ignoring other noises. This shows that infants selectively attend to specific stimuli in their environment. Adults also selectively attend.
Selective attention is what enables us to hone our attention to what is most relevant or important, such as listening to a loved one talk about an upsetting experience while your favorite show or sports team is playing on TV. Although selective attention has many beneficial properties, it depends on what we selectively attend to . As we will learn, given natural tendencies we have, we may actually selectively attend to negative events while failing to pay attention to what is most important or notice the positive things that are happening right in front of our face.
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Count the Number of Passes

Watch video, pause in the middle and have students call out how many passes the team made
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We are vulnerable to paying more attention to bad emotions, bad interactions, negative aspects of others and upsetting aspects of our experiences.
What is our natural tendency?
Pay More Attention to the
Negative than Positive

Have you ever wondered why the childhood stories people tell over and over tend to focus on what went wrong. We talk more about losing money, being abandoned by friends, receiving criticism and getting into an argument than we do about winning money, making friends, receiving praise, and having pleasant conversations with others.
Dr. Roy Baumeister, who is a professor of social psychology, has demonstrated with his research that we are vulnerable to have our attention being devoted more to bad than good. We are more likely to pay attention to bad emotions, bad interactions with other people, bad feedback, and bad impressions than good ones. Research over and over again shows that people are more likely to pay attention to negative and bad situations than good. It’s in human nature, and there are even signs of it in animals. In an experiment in which participants gained or lost the same amount of money, for instance, the distress participants expressed over losing the money was greater than the joy that accompanied the gain. People who are friends actually have “stress contests” with one another, each trying to outdo the other in lamenting about spouses, children, and work. The end result is that people feel more riled up than soothed and develop an even more negative outlook on their marriage, being a parent, and their job.
Negative events disappear from our attention much slower than positive events. Learning something bad about a new acquaintance occupies our attention more than learning something good, by and large. Evolutionarily, paying attention to the negative has proven to be an adaptive characteristic. Throughout our evolutionary history, species that were better attuned to negative things would have been more likely to survive threats and, consequently, would have an increased probability of passing along their genes. A person who ignores the possibility of a positive outcome may later experience significant regret at having missed an opportunity for pleasure or fun, but nothing directly terrible is likely to result. In contrast, a person who ignores danger (the possibility of a bad outcome) even once may end up maimed or dead. Survival requires urgent attention to possible bad outcomes, but it is less urgent with regard to good ones. Hence, it was once adaptive for us to be psychologically designed to respond to bad more strongly than good. The trouble now is that most of our daily life encounters and events do not involve life or death situations. Thus, we must gain an upper hand on our natural tendency to pay attention to the negative because it ultimately impacts how we feel and the behaviors we engage in. The mindfulness skills discussed in the previous lesson can help accomplish this, as it is a matter of paying attention on purpose in a specific kind of way that enables us to focus more on the positive aspects of our lives, others who we interact with and the surrounding environment.

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Negative Confirmation Bias
Negative Confirmation Bias: only seeing others or situations through a negative lens and failing to pay attention to the positive (e.g., tunnel or monocular vision)

Some of us get in such a negative rut that all we pay attention to is the negative. What happens over time is that we actually develop a confirmation bias.
Confirmation bias refers to a type of selective thinking whereby we tend to notice and look for those things that confirm our beliefs, while ignoring, not looking for or undervaluing the relevance of what contradicts one’s beliefs. The best way to think about the negative confirmation bias is that it’s like a lens through which you see the world. Basically, everything you see or pay attention serves as a confirmation about how bad, sucky or negative everything is including self, others, and the world actually are. For example, if you believe that during a full moon there is an increase in admissions to the emergency room where you work, you will take notice of admissions during a full moon, but be inattentive to the moon when admissions occur during other nights of the month. A tendency to do this over time unjustifiably strengthens your belief in the relationship between the full moon and accidents and other lunar effects.
This tendency to give more attention and weight to data that support our beliefs than we do to contrary data is especially pernicious when our beliefs are negatively slanted toward self and others, given that we can potentially act in harm or unproductive ways toward self or others. The important point is to recognize that we have a tendency to develop a negative confirmation bias and this negative lens through which we pay attention to our experiences can result in feeling poorly mentally and physically and result in behaviors that are self-defeating.
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We Are Not Victims of Our Attention!
We may not be able to control what initially captures our attention, BUT we have the ability to notice what we are paying attention to and purposefully choose to attend to something more positive

So, what we’ve learned thus far is that we have a tendency to pay attention more to negative and bad aspects of life than positive aspects. The focus on the negative can diminish our sense of well-being and trigger a range of problematic behaviors that cause more problems than solve them.
Here’s the good news: in any given moment, we have the ability to choose what we pay attention to. This means if we find ourselves focusing on a negative, stressful situation, we can intentionally re-focus our attention to something more positive. Focusing our attention on the negatives is likely to start a cycle of negativity, whereas, focusing on the positives will allow you to establish a state of positivity. Choosing to pay attention to the positive and practicing gratitude on a consistent basis represents easy and effective ways to practice channeling your attention on those aspects of your daily life that tap into the positive emotions of fulfillment, enjoyment and happiness. The end result of intentionally focusing on the positive aspect of ourselves, others, and our surroundings is that we feel and behave better.
Remember! Neuroplasticity! We can change where our brain focuses automatically over time!
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The Benefits of Choosing to Pay Attention to the Positive
People report having a more satisfying life
People are more likely to build relationships than burn them
People are able to cope better with life stress and bounce back from adversity
People have better immune systems that resist illnesses
People recover better from illness or injury

Here is a list of the benefits of positive attention that have been uncovered via scientific research. People who purposefully choose to pay attention to the positive aspects:
report having a more satisfying life
are more likely to build relationships than burn them
are able to cope better with life stress and bounce back from adversity
have better immune systems that resist illnesses
recover better from illness or injury
I don’t know about you but these are the types of benefits that most people are looking for in their lives. If we can develop the motivation and belief to purposefully train ourselves to pay more attention to the positive aspects of our lives, scientific research indicates that we too can experiences these benefits.
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Toxic Positivity

Attention Training to
Focus More on the Positive

Turning the Mind
Searching for the Silver Lining
Choosing to See the Positive in Others
Developing Positive Go-To Staples
Gratitude Practices

What we pay attention to actually wires connections between neurons in our brain. For example, people who tend to stay focused and stuck on the negative aspects of life, such as losing one’s keys, some annoying characteristic of a co-worker, or a parking ticket, actually have different brain functioning than people who are more optimistic. Yet, with practice, researchers like Dr. Martin Seligman have found that we can learn to focus more attention on the positive possibilities in situations and others. Consciously changing what you pay attention to can rewire your brain from a negative orientation to a positive one. As neuroscientist Rick Hanson states, “Attention can actually re-shapes the functioning of the brain.”
Here are three ways one can engage in attention training to spend more time purposefully paying attention to positive aspects of one’s life. These are searching for the silver lining, choosing to see the positives in others, and developing positive go-to staples. Applying these three general practices can help most people feel better mentally and physically, develop stronger relationships, and recover quicker from a setback.
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Searching for a Silver Lining
Stressful and challenging days are inevitable!
Intentionally searching for the silver lining can improve our well-being and overall performance both mentally, physically, and behaviorally

The idiom every cloud has a silver lining is quite a profound statement and applies to the notion of purposefully choosing to pay attention to the positive. What does this phrase even mean. When we look more closely at the edges of every cloud we can see the sun shining there like a silver lining. When applied to people, it means that even during stressful, challenging, and difficult situations, there is something positive that can be found and attended to. People have the ability to seek meaning and positivity in the most difficult situations, but it requires effort and a commitment. Searching for the silver lining during stressful and is a key aspect of purposefully choosing to pay attention to the positive and can result in being more resilient in the face of adversity.
How do you find the silver lining in the maddening, seemingly nothing but frustrating moments?
– What can I learn from this?
What about this can make me stronger in the long run?
Is there something about the situation that is interesting?
– What about life am I grateful for that this situation does not negate?

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Searching for the Silver Lining
How do you find the silver lining during difficult and challenging circumstances?
What can I learn from this?
What about this can make me stronger in the long run?
Is there something about the situation that is interesting?
What about life am I grateful for that this situation does not negate?

The idiom every cloud has a silver lining is quite a profound statement and applies to the notion of purposefully choosing to pay attention to the positive. What does this phrase even mean? When we look more closely at the edges of every cloud we can see the sun shining there like a silver lining. When applied to people, it means that even during stressful, challenging, and difficult situations, there is something positive that can be found and attended to. People have the ability to seek meaning and positivity in the most difficult situations, but it requires effort and a commitment. Searching for the silver lining during stressful and is a key aspect of purposefully choosing to pay attention to the positive and can result in being more resilient in the face of adversity.
How do you find the silver lining in the maddening, seemingly nothing but frustrating moments?
– What can I learn from this?
What about this can make me stronger in the long run?
Is there something about the situation that is interesting?
– What about life am I grateful for that this situation does not negate?

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When we focus on the negative characteristics, behaviors, and of others, it fundamentally influences how we perceive that person and ultimately how we act towards them.

Self-fulfilling prophecy – the process by which our expectations of another person impact the other person’s behavior in such a way s/he behaves in a way that confirms the expectations

Choosing to See the Positive in Others

It comes so easy to pay attention to things we don’t like or irritate and annoy us about other people. “I hate how she dresses, I can’t believe she talks while eating, his voice bugs me, or I don’t like people . Let’s face it, we have a tendency to pay more attention to what people don’t do well or when they mess up rather than what they do well or when they perform really well. When focus on the negative aspects of other people’s personalities, behaviors, and appearances, than it fundamentally influences and skews our perceptions of them and ultimately, how we behave towards them. Part of having effective interpersonal skills and building rather than burning relationships is to purposefully choose to see the positive in others
Researchers, like John Gottman at the University of Washington, has found that marriages in crisis can be saved by simply teaching couples how to pay purposeful attention to what they like and find positive about their spouse.
No matter how challenging a person behaves, you can identify attributes that you like about them, which enables you to see them in a more positive light. Think about the numerous people who are involved in your lives Think of someone who you have a difficult time getting along with—this could be a family member and friend. Now search hard to find something you appreciate, like or find positive about that person. This activity alone has been shown to help repair relationship between people. It enables us to get better at paying attention to the positive aspects of others rather than simply fixating on the negative or annoying aspects of others.
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Choosing to See the Positive in Others
Part of having effective interpersonal skills and building rather than burning relationships is to purposefully choose to see the positive in others, assume best intent, and work hard to have positive expectations towards them

This relates in an important way to when we learned about mindfulness. Remember how describing non-judgmentally means using only your 5 senses. And so much of when we see people in a negative light is because we’re interpreting them and their actions not looking at the facts of exactly what was said. We will learn more skills for this in a few weeks as well
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Positive Go-To Staples
Positive aspects of your life that you can pay attention to in any moment in order to purposefully alter your attention from something negative or stressful to something more positive and uplifting – thus distracting ourselves when negative/stressful situations have occurred or emotion mind is screaming at us.
A favorite memory
A beloved family member or friend
An accomplishment of significance
An anticipated event or trip

When we are in the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to re-focus our attention on something more positive and uplifting. This is why it is important to identify a positive go-to staple. A positive go-to staple is an object of your attention that you have spent time thinking about before you actually notice your attention is stuck on something negative that is provoking a sense of stress or discomfort. A positive go-to-staple is something that you have to spend time thinking about on the frontend to identify so you can purposefully choose to think about when you notice. In this way, it is considered a go-to. The staple aspect of this term reflects that it is a relatively constant aspect of your life. What we know is that it takes active practice to change the default negative thinking setting. This activity helps to pre identify some positive go to things that can STOP the negative thinking pattern in the moment and encourage a better positive thinking trajectory.
.
POSITIVE GO-TO STAPLES are positive, uplifting, enjoyable aspects of your life that you can choose to focus on in any moment—that is, it is a “go to”. A positive go-to-staple could be:
A family member (for example, a child, parent, spouse, partner)
A beautiful or serene place you have visited (for example, beach or mountains)
A fun or uplifting experience (for example, volunteering at a food shelter, mentoring a youth, etc.)
An accomplishment (for example, getting a promotion, running a race, receiving an award)
The anticipation for a fun event (for example, vacation, concert, sporting event)

Turn and talk and share some things you might go to for this
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Gratitude as Special Type of Positive Attention
Gratitude is the felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for the small and big things that come along with life.
We experience gratitude when intentionally focus our attention on particular aspects of our lives that we are thankful for and have a deep appreciation of

I am certain that you have a had a moment in your life where you have had a profound sense of being grateful for something. Perhaps you were grateful for a loved one, the mentorship you received, your health, a unique experiences, or an unexpected gift.
Gratitude is defined as a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for the small and big things that come along with life. In this way, it is an emotional experience. Gratitude is the acknowledgement of the goodness in one’s life and the recognition that the source of this goodness lies outside of the self. The object of gratitude is other-directed. You could practice gratitude by noticing how fortunate your circumstances are (and how much worse they could be), by calling an old mentor and thanking her for guiding you through one of life’s crossroads, by relishing moments with your child, or by recalling and savoring good experiences in your past.  
Gratitude is a special type of attention. It is attention that is devoted to identifying things we are thankful for or have a appreciation of. Gratitude plays a very prominent role in the development of resilience, happiness, and overall well-being.  The tools and techniques of modern science have been brought to bear on understanding the nature of gratitude and why it is important for human flourishing more generally. From childhood to old age, accumulating evidence documents the wide array of psychological, physical, and relational benefits associated with gratitude.  Gratitude is important not only because it helps people feel good, but also because it inspires them to do good. Gratitude heals, energizes, and transforms lives in a myriad of ways consistent with the notion that virtue is both its own reward and produces other rewards.

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Benefits of Gratitude
People who intentionally practice gratitude have been shown to:
more satisfied with life
happier
more optimistic
better at handling challenges
have fewer illnesses
get more sleep
exercise more
able to think more clearly

In the very first set of gratitude studies, one group of participants was asked to write down five things for which they were thankful – namely, to count their blessings – and to do so once a week for ten weeks in a row, while the control group were asked to think about either five daily hassles or five major events that had occurred to them.  The findings were outstanding.  Relative to the control groups, those participants who purposefully practiced gratitude reported more optimism and satisfaction with their lives.  Even their health received a boost; they reported fewer physical symptoms, such as headache, coughing, or nausea, and more time spent exercising. Other studies have shown the positive effects of gratitude on employees, students, parents, and patients with chronic illnesses.  These studies have shown that on the days that individuals strive to express their gratitude, they experience more positive emotions (that is, feelings like interest, excitement, joy, and pride) and are more likely to report helping someone, to feel connected with others, have healthier immune systems and even catch more hours of quality sleep.
The practice of gratitude also protects a person from the destructive impulses of envy, resentment, greed, and bitterness. Researchers have also found that people who practice gratitude cope better with everyday stress, may show increased resilience in the face of trauma-related experiences,, and recover more quickly from an illness.
The important fact is that as much of a platitude as expressing gratitude is sometimes, it is also incredibly effective, as the scientific evidence shows persuasively.  The anecdotal evidence is also hard to disregard; I know many (now happy) individuals who report that becoming grateful changed their lives.It is something we can do with our attention that produces positive benefits for ourselves and others.
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Relationship between Joy & Gratitude

Dr. Brene Brown, a social work researcher, author, and now public speaker, has a Nextflix special titled “The Call to Courage.” In this special, she sites a profound research finding: of the thousands of people that she interviewed, even those that experienced traumatic life events, people who described themselves as joyful all had one thing in common: an active gratitude practice.
The relationship between joy and gratitude actually surprised Brown. She expected to find that joyful people were grateful for what they had in their lives, the data indicated, however that it’s in fact gratitude that comes first… then happiness.
In the words of Brother David Steindl-Rast. It is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.
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How to Best Practice Gratitude
The way in which people think about positive life events and practice gratitude is critical!
They have to believe in it and intentionally practice it.
The deeper the processing, the greater the benefit.

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The way in which people think about positive life events is critical. First, you have to believe it in and intentionally practice it for it to work. Second, research has shown that the deeper we process why we are grateful for a particular positive event or person, the more benefits we are likely to experience. Thinking about the absence of a positive event from our lives improves happiness more than thinking about the presence of an event. Therefore, gratitude exercises should include thinking, writing, or talking about how one’s life would be like without that event/person/gift in the list. For example, if I didn’t have the opportunity to get my daughter up in the morning and interact with her before going to work, then I wouldn’t have been able to see her beautiful face and smile and interact with her in a positive way. Reminds me of how lucky I am to have a family and an opportunity to interact with my daughter.

Tips for Expressing Gratitude
Don’t just go through the motions.
Journaling is more effective if you first make the conscious decision to become happier and more grateful.
Go for depth over breadth.
Elaborating in detail about a particular thing for which you’re grateful carries more benefits than a superficial list of many things.
Get personal.
Focusing on people to whom you are grateful has more of an impact than focusing on things for which you are grateful.
Try subtraction, not just addition.
One effective way of stimulating gratitude is to reflect on what your life would be like without certain blessings, rather than just tallying up all those good things.
Savor surprises.
Try to record events that were unexpected or surprising, as these tend to elicit stronger levels of gratitude.

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The skills all build on each other!

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Practicing mindfulness allows us to cultivate a better awareness of our thoughts, emotions, actions, and the environment overall.

This improved awareness helps us to clarify our individual values and goals.

Implementing willpower allows us to maintain specific behaviors and actions that are in line with our values and goals.

Practicing gratitude allows us to reflect on our values and be more present in the positive moments.

The more we do this, the more able we are to identify these times and be more present and aware in them.

Specific Activities to Practice Gratitude
Weekly gratitude journaling
Thank you notes
Gratitude letter
Gratitude visit
Awe in the present moment
Gratitude ABC’s
Saying “Thank you” instead of “I’m sorry”

Gratitude, at least initially, requires mental discipline. This is the paradox of gratitude: while the evidence is clear that cultivating gratitude, in our life and in our attitude to life, allows us to flourish, it is difficult. Developing and sustaining a grateful outlook on life is easier said than done. The only way this works is if you are committed to feeling better and truly believe that being grateful is a desirable virtue and can enable you to experience the range of benefits that scientific research has demonstrated. 
A number of evidence based-strategies, including weekly gratitude journaling, thank you notes, gratitude letter, and gratitude visits have shown to be effective in creating sustainable gratefulness.
Remember, gratitude is not about paying attention to what we want or have lost in life but rather about what we already have or have been fortunate enough to receive. Rest assured, that the activities outlined on this slide help people purposefully choose to pay attention to more positive and enable to reap significant benefits.

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Summary of this Lesson
What we pay attention to impacts how we feel and behave
Our natural tendency is to pay more attention to negative or bad aspects (emotions) of ourselves, others, and the environment than positive aspects
Negative confirmation bias refers to getting stuck on paying attention to negative and stressful experiences while tuning out, ignoring, and missing the positive

The five main take home messages from this lesson are as follows:
What we pay attention to impacts how we feel and behave
Our natural tendency is to pay more attention to negative or bad aspects of ourselves, others, and the environment than positive aspects
Negative confirmation bias refers to getting stuck on paying attention to negative and stressful experiences while tuning out, ignoring, and missing the positive
With effort and intention, we can purposefully choose to focus on more positive aspects of our lives, others, and daily experiences (that is, finding the silver lining, paying attention to the positive in others, and developing positive go-to staples).
Gratitude is a special type of positive attention that involves recognizing and acknowledging what and who we are grateful for in our lives
Specific ways to practice gratitude include:
Gratitude journaling
Thank You Notes
Gratitude letter
Gratitude visit

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Summary of this Lesson
Gratitude is a special type of positive attention that involves recognizing and acknowledging what and who we are grateful for in our lives
Specific ways to practice gratitude include:
Gratitude journaling
Thank You Notes
Gratitude letter
Gratitude visit
Awe in the present moment

The five main take home messages from this lesson are as follows:
What we pay attention to impacts how we feel and behave
Our natural tendency is to pay more attention to negative or bad aspects of ourselves, others, and the environment than positive aspects
Negative confirmation bias refers to getting stuck on paying attention to negative and stressful experiences while tuning out, ignoring, and missing the positive
With effort and intention, we can purposefully choose to focus on more positive aspects of our lives, others, and daily experiences (that is, finding the silver lining, paying attention to the positive in others, and developing positive go-to staples).
Gratitude is a special type of positive attention that involves recognizing and acknowledging what and who we are grateful for in our lives
Specific ways to practice gratitude include:
Gratitude journaling
Thank You Notes
Gratitude letter
Gratitude visit

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Participation Week 6 Part 2
Which gratitude practice are you going to try out this week?

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Mindfulness
Participate

Drawing a tree with your non-dominant hand
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How HAPPY are you feeling in this moment?
Rate yourself! 1-10
Observe what the emotion you are feeling right now.

If you aren’t feeling happy…notice what emotions are you feeling
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Group Activity: Gratitude Circle
Everyone will go around and name one thing they are grateful for that someone else has not yet named.
Keep going around the circle multiple times, again making sure items/statements are not repeated.
When someone says something that already has been said, that person is out.
Keep going until only one person is still in OR you reach 20 minutes doing the activity.

Split into groups of 15-25 (so combining multiple family groups)
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Observe your emotions again…..
Rate how happy you are feeling NOW.

Group Discussion
Remember: aim to participate effectively
Did you observe a change in your emotions after our gratitude practice? Why or why not?
Did the group identify things to be grateful for that you hadn’t thought of before? What?
How might you integrate this type of gratitude practice into your own daily routine?
What gratitude practices do you think would work best for you?

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Watch video. Warn them it’s a tear jerker!
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Homework Post “Class Activity Reflection” Directions
At home, write a gratitude letter and share it with the person
Use your observe and describe skills to observe your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations while writing the letter and sharing it with the person you wrote it about. Summarize these observations in your post!
– *do not post the letter itself*

Lavf54.63.104

Sit in Your Groups

While you wait – Share with your table group a goal you have for this semester.

INSTRUCTOR NOTE: Play music of your choice for about 5 minutes before class begins. We typically choose something upbeat and uplifting.
1

XXX

2

Questions

Mindfulness Activity
Participate
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday dear STUDENT
Happy Birthday to You

4

Distress Tolerance and Willpower
Lesson 4

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(DeCano & Cook, 2015)

Circled areas are related to the skills for today
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Acceptance vs. Change
Acceptance
Validation

Change
Problem-Solving
Fulcrum or Balance of Life
We will learn Acceptance Skills
We will learn Change Skills

Again, a summary of the principle dialectic in DBT Skills: Acceptance and Change
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Previous Lesson Summary
Goals are small attainable steps that help keep us moving towards our values. Values are the point at the end of a compass you can never reach, whereas goals are small achievable steps along the way. You can have values and related goals in many areas of your life.
When people live consistent with their values, their mental health is maximized, they report having a more satisfying life, and are more effective in their work and personal lives.
When we are faced with stressful situations, we can make impulsive choices that disconnect us from our values (that’s why clarifying them is so important!)

Highlight dialectics w/ love/hate parents
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Previous Lesson Summary
Values also have transformational power to turn everyday routine, tedious, or annoying behaviors into meaningful and rewarding ones.
A dialectic is when two things that seem opposite are both true.
Using WOOP helps you stick to your goals and beat moral licensing.

Highlight dialectics w/ love/hate parents
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Learning Objectives
After completing this lesson, you will be able to:
Explain the make up and function of habits
Describe distress tolerance, its importance, and when to use it
Know how to use different distress tolerance skills
Describe the benefits of willpower
Understand the different types of willpower and how to tap into them

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Lesson 4: Glossary Terms
Lesson 4 Distress Tolerance and Willpower
Emotion-provoking stimulate or give rise to emotions, typically a strong or unwelcome one.
 
Distress Tolerance Distress intolerance is perceived negative emotions as overwhelming and unbearable.
 
Amygdala Hijack It describes the process of losing rational, logical thinking when becoming emotionally upset.
 
Crisis Survival Skills The goal of crisis survival skills is to help you get through a short-tem crisis situation without making it worse. Crisis survival skills help us to tolerate our distress so we don’t act on our emotions.
Emotional Dysregulation It refers to the inability of a person to control or regulate their emotional responses and behavior in response to certain situations.
 
Willpower The ability to control our attention, emotions and impulses (desires) in pursuit of something that isn’t immediately attainable.

Participation Week 4 Part 1
What is a bad habit you have?

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What is a Habit?

Popcorn call out some habits you have
Ok, so we all have habits, but what actually is a habit? Last week we talked about goals and we’ve talked about mindfulness. The reality is we cannot be mindful and present all the time; our brains don’t have enough capacity/energy for that. And we need that present mindful awareness in order to meet our goals. So habits, when used correctly, allow us to turn some tasks into automatic functions so we don’t need to expend mental energy on them. So how does that happen?
Example (benign) – getting in the car (cue) and putting on my seat belt (habit) and I feel safe (reward)
Cue – something that happens that we automatically do something after; these can be emotions, situations, physical feelings, just about anything
Habit – the thing I do automatically when I experience a cue; this is a behavior
Consequence – the response after that keeps me doing this habit; if I like the consequence (reward), then I do the habit again and again; this is immediately after
Second benign example – your phone notifies you that you have a text or a snapchat (cue), you answer it (habit), you get information and know what’s going on immediately (consequence)  we do this without thinking about it
Another example (more real) – I don’t get a perfect score on an assignment, and I tell myself “I suck,” and I feel bad about myself so I do something to punish myself or make myself feel better
So today’s lecture is all about different habit behaviors we can use when faced wit ha cue if we want to make changes. First, though, we have to talk more about cues.

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Cue
(Prompting Event)

Habit
(Behavior/ Action Urge/ Emotional Response)

Reward (Consequence)

Emotions Range from Typical to Impairing
Sad/Bummed Out
Depressed/Suicidal
Angry/Upset
Violent/Property Destruction
Anxiety

Panic/Freaking Out

Happy

Grandiose Happiness

So let’s talk more about emotions as cues.
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Does the Emotional Reaction Fit the Situation??????

Note to instructors: When you are in slide show model – animations will allow you to tab through the pictures. Facilitate a discussion with the students. For example, the first pair is an aggressive dog and a child crying (ASK: does the reaction fit the facts? YES). When you change the picture, you’ll see a puppy but the child is still crying (ASK: does the reaction fit the facts? NO).
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Emotion-Provoking Buttons
Everyone goes from calm to not calm
There is always a button that gets pushed to cause us to go from calm to not calm
Important to develop an understanding of one’s own emotion-provoking buttons

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Awareness of Emotion-Provoking Buttons
We must fully understand our values, thoughts about the past and future, events, and social situations that provoke intense negative emotions in us if we are going to appropriately manage them
Button categories:
Certain people who rub us wrong
Being treated a certain way by others
Unexpected change in routine
Certain event or situation
Thoughts about past experiences

Turn and talk about some other minor buttons you know of
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How do WE cope with or Manage INTENSE Negative Emotions?

ANSWER: Generally……NOT WELL

Our habit/automatic response tends to be not in line with our values
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The Amygdala Hijack
Amygdala Hijack : a term coined to describe the process of losing rational, logical thinking when becoming emotionally upset
The amygdala takes over dominates thinking and behavior and essentially interferes with prefrontal cortex functioning (e.g., self-regulation, weighing consequences, thinking clearly)

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The Amygdala Hijack
Fight
Self-Critique

Flight
Freeze
Isolate
Perseverate

We’re not always in places where we actually would fight or run away or freeze though. Sometimes these look different.
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Emotional Dysregulation
Emotional dysregulation refers to the inability of a person to control or regulate their emotional responses and behavior in response to certain situations
A crisis is when you experience a serious problem but the solution isn’t readily coming to mind. In a crisis, emotions are high so the problem is distressing, and having high emotions generally makes things worse.

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How do you know when you are in a crisis?
EMOTION MIND!!

We talk about crisis level being a 65 on our emotional thermometer. In coming weeks we’ll talk about how you know where your 65 is. You can be at 65 for any emotion, positive or negative. 65 or crisis level just means you’re in emotion mind and would unlikely be able to make a wise minded choice/decision
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YOU ARE IN A CRISIS WHEN
the situation is:
Highly stressful
Short term (that is, it won’t last a long time) and
Creating intense pressure to resolve the crisis now
 
 
USE CRISIS SURVIVAL SKILLS when
You have intense pain that cannot be helped quickly
You want to act on your emotions but it will only make things worse
Emotion mind threatens to overwhelm you and you need to stay skillful
You are overwhelmed yet demands must be meet
Arousal is extreme but problems cannot be solved immediately
DON’T USE CRISIS SURVIVAL SKILLS for:
Everyday problems
Solving all your life problems
 
WHEN TO USE CRISIS SURVIVAL SKILLS

Crisis Survival Skills – Short-term
ACCEPTS
IMPROVE
TIPP
Pros and Cons

Distress Tolerance Skills
Accepting Reality Skills – Long-term
(we will learn these next week)
Accepting Reality & Radical Acceptance
Turning the Mind & Willingness
Mindfulness of Current Thoughts
Two Types:

The two types of Distress Tolerance Skills
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What if it’s too late? Strategies to Manage Intense Negative Emotions: Distress Tolerance Skills

Distraction – with ACCEPTS
IMPROVE
TIPP
Pros & Cons
Crisis Survival Skills
*** These are not problem-solving skills
– they are – don’t make it worse skills

The purpose of the Distress Tolerance skills are to help reduce the intensity of the emotion enough to get you back into a place where you can reconnect w/ wise mind to make a better choice
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Crisis Survival Skills
Imagery
Meaning
Prayer
Relaxation
One thing in the moment
Vacation
Encouragement

Crisis survival skills – Distract with Wise mind ACEEPTS and IMPROVE the moment
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Temperature:
Dipping your head in very cold water (around 50 degrees) kicks in the Dive Reflex – stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system – meaning – your body thinks you have fallen through the ice.
Key components:
1. Cold water (around 50 degrees)
2. Just below the eyes
3. Hold breath for 30 seconds
4. Bending over at the waist
***DO NOT TRY IF YOU HAVE HEART PROBLEMS

The T in TIPP
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Intense Exercise:
Intensive exercise for at least 20 minutes. This could be running, biking/spin, paddling, soccer, any high energy exerting activity. When you stop, the body kicks in endorphins – your body’s own chemical feel good drug
Key components:
1. High exerting energy (>20
minutes)
2. Stopping kicks-in endorphins

The I in TIPP
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Progressive Muscle Relaxation:
Key components:
1. 15-20 minutes
2. Tensing and relaxing muscles stimulates endorphins
Relaxation is incompatible with being emotionally aroused and upset. We can’t be relaxed and angry/upset/anxious at the same time. Progressive/Guided muscle relaxation has been shown to reduce stress and anxiety.

The first P in TIPP
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Paced Breathing:
Key components:
1. Do for at least a minute
2. No key formula/ratio
3. **If you feel like you are going
to pass out – STOP
Breathing out longer than breathing in. The idea is to reduce the oxygen level in your body, so everything else shuts down like it is going to sleep. For example, inhale for 4 seconds and exhale for 6 seconds. Stimulating the body’s parasympathetic nervous system

The second P in TIPP
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Distress Tolerance: Pros & Cons
  PROS CONS
 
 Acting on crisis urges Pros of acting on impulsive urges:
 
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________ Cons of acting on impulsive urges:
 
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
 
 Resisting Crisis Urges Pros of resisting impulsive urges:
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________ Cons of resisting on impulsive urges:
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________

Pros and Cons – important to emphasize the four different squares
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Distress Tolerance: Pros & Cons
Consider short-term and long-term PROS and CONS
Before an overwhelming urge hits:
Write out your PROS and CONS and carry them with you
When an overwhelming urge hits:
Review your PROS and CONS.
Imagine the positive
consequences of resisting the urge.
Imagine (and remember PAST) negative consequences of giving into the urges.

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What if it’s not a Crisis?

When its not a crisis – then we use accepting reality skills
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What is Willpower
The ability to control our attention, emotions and impulses (desires) in pursuit of something that isn’t immediately attainable
The ability to act in a way that furthers our goals, even when doing something else seems immediately more appealing

The ability to keep our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in check to achieve a goal that is not right in front of your face.
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The Need for Willpower
Everyone struggles in some way with temptation, addiction, distraction, procrastination or avoidance

We eat, drink, smoke, gamble, avoid work too much, max out our credit cards, fall into dangerous or problematic situations, give up on things too easily and become addicted to alcohol, pot, pills and texting/emailing/tweeting.
At day’s end, most people have spent three to four hours attempting to use willpower to squash the urge to do something they shouldn’t, take a nap when there are other important things to do, order another drink, play Candy Crush, check in again on Facebook or Tweet, buy another pair of shoes, skip class, or have an affair.

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So where did my willpower go?
We don’t have endless amounts of willpower
Things that deplete our willpower
Stress
Tired
Hungry
Mindlessness
Too many willpower “projects”
But, like a muscle, we can build our willpower because of neuroplasticity!

Developing Willpower
Research suggests that willpower can be developed similar to the way we develop our muscles. Just like a muscle:
To strengthen your willpower, you have to exercise
If you exercise it too much, it will become fatigued
Developing willpower is NOT about pushing yourself harder. It’s about taking small, achievable steps toward the goal over time.
Set realistic goals
Figure out how to reward yourself for each step

The research on willpower suggests that it can be developed very much in the same way we develop our muscles. To build muscle, you need to exercise. And, when you overwork the muscle, it gets tired and needs to recover. The same can be said for willpower. Many people think that developing willpower is about pushing yourself harder and harder and this is a misunderstanding of how developing willpower works. To develop willpower, set small but meaningful goals and take steps toward them every day. It’s important to set realistic goals. For example, I am not going to be successful if I tell myself I am going to exercise for an hour a day – I simply don’t have time for that. However, I might be successful if I start with a goal of 20 minutes of moving my body per day. Next, you need to figure out how to reward yourself for taking each step toward your goal. The reward is important because it will help keep your motivation high. For example, I might tell myself that if I reach my first goal of moving my body in some way for at least 20 minutes per day, I will treat myself to a new pair of shoes. You should pick a reward that is appropriate to your goal – so for example, if my long term goal is to lose weight, then it would not be appropriate to reward myself for exercising with a hot fudge sundae. Giving yourself permission to celebrate the small victories on the way to achieving your long term goals is important for your emotional balance, motivation, and developing your willpower.

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Lesson Summary
Habits are the automatic behaviors we exhibit after a cue.
Our emotions are a part of who we are. They range from typical to impairing
Emotional dysregulation – the inability to control or regulate ones emotional responses and behavior in response to certain situations
Amygdala Hijack – when our emotions overtake our decision-making abilities (EMOTION MIND takes over)

Lesson Summary
For Emotional Dysregulation – use Distress Tolerance – Crisis Survival Skills
These are not problem-solving skills – they are don’t make it worse skills
TIPP
Distract with ACCEPTS
IMPROVE the moment
Pros & Cons
Willpower – the ability to control our attention, emotions and impulses (desires) in pursuit of something that isn’t immediately attainable. Or act in a way that furthers our goals, even when doing something else seems immediately more appealing
Three types:
I will
I won’t
I want

Participation Week 4 Part 2
What is an area of your life you’re going to apply willpower to over the next week?

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Mindfulness
Observe

Hold arms in the air for 2 minutes. Observe the sensations in your arms, don’t go into describe. Identify the WHAT skills they are using, and then name the HOW skills they are using, and what that means in this case. When you notice your thoughts wander, one-mindfully, nonjudgmentally, and effectively bring your mind back to the present moment.
If you notice the urge to move your body, notice the urge, but notice that you don’t have to do that.
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EMOTIONAL THERMOMETER

How intense is my emotion mind?
1-100
Below 65
1-65
Above 65
HIGH ABOVE 65
EMOTION

I strongly feel the emotion AND can still think about solutions
Emotion Regulation Skills

I feel the emotion and the emotion is overwhelming me
(I can’t think rationally)
ACCEPTS
IMPROVE
Pro/Con

I feel the overwhelming emotion + physical sensations
(I can’t think + my body is out of control)
TIPP

Thermometer activity in groups – have students (individually) identify their below, above, and high above for anger.
(i.e. below 65 = my professor gave me feedback i felt unfair; above a 65 = my roommate took something of mine and broke it after I had asked her not to borrow it; far above 65 = my partner cheated on me with a friend
Whole class – Read scenarios and have students move along thermometer “on floor” (using 100 scale from back wall to chalk board) to where they would be for the following situations:
My computer crashed and I lost the complete version of my midterm essay
I lost my keys and am locked out of my house
My friend bailed on me last minute
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EMOTION RESPONSE ROAD MAP
EMOTION
Emotion Intensity <65 EMOTION INTENSITY >65
SOLVABLE SITUATION
UNSOLVABLE SITUATION
Problem Solving
Radical Acceptance & Willingness
OPPOSITE ACTION

TIPP
EMOTIONS COOL DOWN <65 ACCEPTS IMPROVE Pros + Cons CRISIS SURVIVAL SKILLS Emotion + Intensity Fit the Facts Emotion + Intensity DON’T Fit the Facts 43 Wise Mind Distracts with ACCEPTS Distraction is deliberately turning your attention away from the negative emotion-provoking situation ACTIVITIES Do something; e.g. call a friend, watch a movie, read a book. CONTRIBUTING Contribute to something or someone; e.g. help someone with their homework, give something to someone COMPARISONS Compare your situation to something worse; e.g. think about a time you felt worse, compare yourself to those less fortunate EMOTIONS Create different emotions; e.g. listen to an upbeat or soothing song, watch something funny. PUSHING AWAY Push the painful situation out of your mind temporarily; e.g. put the thought in a box and put it on a shelf. THOUGHTS Replace your thoughts; e.g. do a puzzle or a sudoku, read, do a math problem SENSATIONS Experience other intense physical sensations; e.g. hold ice, squeeze a stress ball.   -Comparisons: With comparisons, if it makes you feel worse to compare yourself to less fortunate others, then you can compare your situation to a take when you were really struggling, that makes this situation look less bad. Turn and talk about some examples of things you could use to distract you Brainstorm a bunch of options per letter with your group and then apply to yourself. Which ones have you used, which ones would be helpful, why? Which seem less helpful, why? 44 Activity Keep in mind when and where you might experience a crisis. Make your crisis survival kit for home, on campus, and to take with you anywhere on your phone. What skills from distress tolerance feel like they’d be the most helpful to you? What items do you have accessible at home, on campus, or on your phone with you that allow you to engage in those skills when you need them? Have students think of situations they identified as being above a 65 on the 0-100 scale – you are now going to identify the strategies you will use from the skills we’ve discussed this week that you could use. More then ACCEPTS, find examples of each that you can use to help you, put this in your tool box. What is your survival kit for home, school, and on your phone. The three questions apply to the 3 (home, school). HAVE STUDENTS TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO WRITE THEM DOWN, THEN DISCUSS IN THEIR GROUPS, THEN SHARE OUT TO THE WHOLE CLASS BIG TAKE AWAYS. 45