Paper 1: Public Space and Me (Rough Draft)

   

Title: Jordan football field 

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Thesis: Jordan football field shaped me into the man I am today because of the emotional and physical battles I fought on the way to the football game during the football game and after the football game.

[CK1]

 

I. Introduction 

A. Catchy intro

B. Thesis

II. The bus ride to the game and suiting up 

A. Emotions 

B. Controlling myself physically

III. Going out onto the field 

A. Sights 

B. Smells 

C. Feels 

D. Emotions

E. Energy 

IV. The Game

A. First tackle – Emotions and feelings 

B. First run – Emotions and feelings 

V. Conclusion 

A. Summarize the essay 

B. Restate the thesis

    

1.  [CK1] I like that you made it specific and more than one line, which is an error students often make. However, there are some issues that need to be cleared up before it is good to go.

2.  How did it shape you? Positively? Negatively? Be more specific.

3.  Perhaps be more specific with “emotional and physical battles I fought.” Are you talking life battles or literally as you walk onto the field, on the field, and immediately after you leave the field?

4.  Instead of repeating “football game” three times at the end of your thesis, simply combine those: “…on my way to the football game, as well as during and after the game.”

5.  Is “Jordan Football Field” the specific name of a field? If so, it’s a proper noun and needs capitalized.

use the narrative and descriptive modes

  • raft a written manuscript
  • Employ field research in investigating the place.
  • Create in an essay a “strong sense of place” for the reader
  • Reflect on what the place means to the people who use it and on what it might tell us about the subculture(s) that uses it or about the larger culture
  • Use the notes about the place (interviews, descriptions, library/electronic) to 
  • Use visual analysis to describe place and space
  • Use the sensual descriptive elements (the six senses) to describe place and space

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